


Starboy

by mrtvejpes



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: And Kihyun the Singer Who Thinks He Has a Crush Until Hoseok Happens, Bottom Shin Hoseok | Wonho, Enter Hoseok the Gym Guy aka The Bossy Boss, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Puns and Pics (and Pecs), Top Yoo Kihyun, kiho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 18:48:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15735273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrtvejpes/pseuds/mrtvejpes
Summary: Hey.This might sound a little peculiar, but I am looking for someone I can work out with.No shenanigans.Hey??Why would that be peculiar?Because I kind of need to get buff so I can ask out this one guy and not look like a wasp on a bonbon when I top him.





	1. I.

**Kihyun, 24**

**4 km**

Performer

 

Looking for a gym buddy. That's it.

 

 

 

**Hoseok, 25**

**4 km**

Personal trainer

Korea National Sport University

 

Married to the gym, ahaha. The grind don't stop! ;))

“Your body is better than my life.” – everyone, probably.

I like cute guys, but looks don't matter to me as long as you're polite!

I can be bought with food and compliments.

 


	2. II.

Hey.

This might sound a little peculiar, but I am looking for someone I can work out with.

No shenanigans.

 

Hey??

Why would that be peculiar?

 

Because I kind of need to get buff so I can ask out this one guy and not look like a wasp on a bonbon when I top him.

 

The fuck.

[crying laughing emoji]

How buff are we talking?

 

Well.

Not buff buff. I don't have the right bone structure for that.

Half your size, hopefully.

 

Half my size?

Wait. Are you coming on to me?

 

No? I literally just told you I am about to ask this one guy out.

 

Could be a trick.

Next thing I know, I'm the guy.

 

Sorry, no.

Check out my bio. All I need is a gym partner.

Or just someone who could give me some tips on getting bigger.

Honestly, this is a sketchy website, so I get it if you're not comfortable doing anything else besides that. We don't have to meet face to face.

 

Ok, so you warned me this might be weird. Sorry, “peculiar.”

But you not coming on to me at least a little bit is the weirdest thing about this whole conversation so far.

 

Wow.

 

Wait.

I take it back.

The weirdest thing so far is your bio. Kisame? What the actual fuck, my dear dude?

Are you okay?

 

Yeah. I put it there to scare off potential weirdos.

~I~ became the weirdo.

It was a bulletproof plan.

Smh it still didn't save me from all those unsolicited dick and gaping asshole pics.

 

So let me get this straight.

 

Yeah?

 

You have a crush. On a buff guy.

How buff?

 

Again, nowhere near your size.

But meaty + toned.

 

Got it.

And all you want is to get fit so you don't look too small or skinny next to him.

I shouldn't be expecting any dicks.

 

Exactly.

And, please. Don't send me yours, either. I've had my share already. This website is unreal.

You were the only bodybuilder I've seen around who doesn't show off his junk in the bio, which is why I contacted you in the first place. You are my only hope.

 

Alright, fella.

Show me what you got.

 

I just told you there would be no dicks!

 

Show me your body, dummy dum dum.

Before I give you any tips, I have to know what to focus on.

 

Oh.

My bad.

So you know how I said I would look rather silly during any potential intercourse with this man due to our size difference?

 

Alkasjgkj.

Yes.

Please, just say “fuck.”

 

Well. I wasn't fucking kidding.

Do you see my struggle?

I am wearing my loosest stage shirt, too.

 

Sis, the only struggle here IS the shirt.

Take it off.

 

Look. Are you going to help me or not.

 

I am. So, literally, take off the shirt. I can't help you unless I see what I'm working with. The pic tells me you are a shortcake, but I can't see your actual proportions.

Btw. Tattoos? Belts? Keep him.

 

Geez, that's the plan.

 

Also. Those stickers?

I am starting to believe your bio isn't as ironically horrid as it appeared at first.

It's just horrid.

 

I put those there to protect our faces. It's called privacy.

 

Yeah, I love me some privacy.

So, shirt off.

 

Wait.

Am I supposed to show you my actual, literal body?

 

Do you have any non-actual, non-literal body to show me instead, or...?

 

Did you not hear what I just said about privacy?

 

Geez. Give me another sticker if you must.

 

No. Look.

Can't we work it out otherwise?

 

??

I really can't tell you what to do unless I know more about your body type. It's that simple.

 

I dunno about this.

 

You've seen my body in the bio. It's not that big of a deal.

 

It is to me.

Plus, it's not much of a quid pro quo if you're wearing a tanktop, but you want me to drop mine.

 

Oh.

I see.

Would it help if I sent you a shirtless pic, then?

 

No!

Maybe.

We said no pics.

 

We said no dick pics.

And you wanted some squid pro squad.

 

Can't I send a full-body and fully clothed pic instead?

 

I mean, you can.

At least I'll see how small we're talking.

 

Like.

Small.

 

First of all, that outfit? It says “fuck me” in 69 languages. Glad to see those terrible floral patterns gone.

Are you standing on your tippy toes?

To see?

Over a wall?

Why are small guys so powerful.

Okay. Okay. This helped, but not really, lmao.

Proportions, dude.

Shirt off.

 

I was hoping I could avoid this.

 

If you want to avoid getting relevant tips, be my guest.

 

So.

When you said you would send me one, too, so I don't feel awkward.

What that for real?

 

:)

I got u.

 

I disassociated.

Now I truly can't show you my body.

 

Show it or I'm sending dicks.

 

God. Give me a minute.

 

Np.

:3

 

This is awkward.

Dude.

But that's not bad at all?

I can already see some definition.

Why do you need to get bigger?

Is your crush, like, into muscular mancakes?

 

No, I don't think so. It's a little more complicated.

I have a reason to think he's into me. Face-wise, at least.

It's just that I don't want to be too twinky next to him when there are no lights and clothes on, you feel?

It would look ridiculous.

 

Lmao.

I mean, imo you look just fine?? You'd look normal even next to me.

Skinny, but normal.

Some guys are into it, you know. Some guys like the cute type.

The twinky type.

 

Yeah, tops.

 

Not really? You are a top who's into hunks.

Stranger things have happened.

 

Touché.

But, look, I want to do this. I want to be a better version of myself.

 

Okay! As long as you're doing it for yourself and not just for that ass.

K, I'm glad you sent me the pic. I was thinking you might be pudgy / soft, so I was about to give you a whole ass routine on losing tummy squish.

You have no squish, though. I could've hindered you real bad.

 

I get it, I get it, Mr Muscle.

Next time you tell me to take my shirt off, I'll listen.

 

[splashing sweat emoji]

 

What the fuck.

 

Lmao, I'm just messing with you.

So here's what you gotta do.

 

~

 

Hey. Long time no talk.

 

??

Oh, it's you, the bonbon boy!

How's it going?

 

Not as smooth as I was expecting.

I know it's only been a few weeks, but I think I'm stuck.

Nothing's happening. My weight has been the same for the past three weeks.

I'm gaining nothing.

 

Are you eating well?

 

I eat as often as I can.

It's a little difficult since I always have to go on mini-diets before I perform, but I think I've been managing well. Better than usual, anyway. And it worked for a little bit until it stopped.

I've been mixing those protein shakes and bars you recommended into my diet and everything, too.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

 

Wait, you are an actual performer?

 

Yes...?

It says so in my bio.

 

Yeah, but.

I kind of figured you might be some kind of Youtuber or something.

Or an Instagram persona.

Or a porn star.

 

Jfc.

 

At least it explains why you wear such frivolous shirts.

 

It was one time! The pic was taken at a summer-themed event!

But. My weight?

 

Whoops. So, listen.

Is your workout regular?

 

Yeah, that I can swear by.

It's dance practice every day and your workout routine three times a week.

 

Wait, you never told me you dance daily.

If you're sticking to the diet I came up with, you're burning much more than you're consuming, you lil dolt.

 

Oh.

 

I swear.

You haven't lost any weight, have you?

 

No, it's just stuck.

 

Good. You really don't need to lose a single gram.

You don't really need to gain any, either, imo. Not in muscle.

 

Yeah, but remember? A big buff tattooed man whom I would like to fuck in a very, very near future?

 

Lololol. I remember.

 

Well.

I'm panicking.

The guy and I, we're not friends or anything. We're acquainted and I believe he's interested, but if I wait for too long, I might lose my chance.

 

So. No dates yet? You still haven't confessed?

 

Of course not. I am still small. I am still me.

 

Dude.

I was about to say “it's okay if that dicc is thicc.”

But you seem to be struggling with something deeper here.

 

What? No. It just came out wrong.

 

You sure?

Look, I've seen this before. I'm a personal trainer, after all. I have a whole degree in this shit.

People often grapple with distorted body image issues.

 

No. I'm a performer. I'm confident.

No need to go all lesson-in-psychology on me.

I don't mean to be snappish, but could we get back to the task at hand? Making me bigger?

 

Oh, I could make you bigger.

 

Nevermind.

I will just browse one more thousand profiles to find another bodybuilder.

Preferably one who doesn't make dick jokes.

 

Aw, come back, pretty tummy fella.

I won't pry or joke anymore.

I'll get you in shape instead. When are you free?

 

Why? So you can laugh at me throughout the day instead of 2AM?

 

That too, lmao.

But mostly so we can arrange those workout sessions together.

 

Wait. You'd do that?

That would be great. That would be amazing.

I'll pay and all.

 

Nonsense, you didn't contact me as a personal trainer.

You contacted me as a fellow vainglorious homosexual.

We need to help each other out. No one else's gonna do it.

 

A fellow vainglorious homosexual.

 

Are you proud of my vocabulary. I went to college.

Anyways.

When do you usually go through your routine?

 

I get quite busy during the day. Like, suicidal thoughts busy.

I mostly have time late in the evening, or even a little bit after that. You know, at dinner time. (Normal people dinner time, that is.) (My dinner time is... now.)

 

Perfect. Not to be all important or anything, but I have a demanding job, too. :3 Evenings / nights work for me.

So. Dates, times. When is it convenient for you?

Chop chop chop.

 

Jesus.

MO, WE, FR: 8PM-10PM.

Sounds good?

 

Pretty good.

 

Won't you be too tired to exercise this late?

 

Those are standard hours for me. When I work out alone, I have to do it after I close the gym.

Oh. Btw.

I work at Curves in Jamsil-dong. It's only 4 km from your location anddd there's a bus stop right down the street.

I'm picking you up tomorrow.

 

Hold up. Tomorrow? Already?

And you're taking me to a closed gym?

Won't the owner sack you for bringing strange dudes in?

Free of charge, on top of that?

 

No worries. The owner is the chillest guy ever, handsome af, bulky, a total sweetheart.

 

Let me guess. Your bf?

 

No.

Me.

 

[rolling eyes emoji]

 

Ahaha, come on! You walked right into that one.

 

So you OWN a whole ass gym?

 

It says in my bio that I'm married to it.

Sheesh, take a hint.

 

You're only 25. Sounds fishy.

 

You're 24 and you seem to be busy performing and getting all the buff bitches.

Wait a minute, is that why I haven't seen your face yet?

Are you super famous?

Are you mayhaps a real porn star?

 

No. I'm not getting any porn done, I keep telling you.

I am still too skinny for that.

 

A skinny legend.

 

I am deleting.

 

Tomorrow, 8PM.

I'm picking you up at the Jamsilsaenae Station.

I promise I won't make any frisky jokes. I'm quite shy in person.

 

I wonder about that.

 

Trust this hyung.

 

I'm having second thoughts.

 

No need to have second thoughts, but have a second serving of everything you eat tomorrow.

And don't eat 2 hours before the workout.

See ya!

 

Yep. Bye.

 

Wait.

How will I recognize you?

 

I'll recognize you.

 

Aakjgagkg.

Ofc.

Goodnight, cute tummy fella.

 

Goodnight, no dick hyung.

 

I have a dick!

I'm just not allowed to send it!

Hey!

Hello?

 

~

 

See, it wasn't that bad.

 

My thighs are on fire.

 

Good. Everyone's heart is gonna be on fire for those fiery thighs.

 

It's not even funny.

I wobbled so hard during my choreo practice today that my instructor asked whether I had been drinking.

So I said yes.

I couldn't possibly let her know that a little bit of workout had me this wrecked.

I can't even laugh. My stomach hurts.

 

And we have only just begun.

 

Jfc.

In any way, thank you for putting up with me.

And doing this for free, which still makes me squeamish.

 

It doesn't have to. You brought coffee. I love coffee. Consider us even.

Besides, I've been kind of missing someone's company when I work out at nights.

It feels safer, too. If I pulled a muscle or if a dumbbell fell on my head, you would... well. I guess you wouldn't drag me to safety, but you would at least be able to call an ambulance.

 

Yep. That I would.

I'm Kihyun, your local coffee and phone call guy.

 

You know, Kihyun the coffee and phone call guy.

You're even slighter than I imagined.

 

I know. You told me so.

Repeatedly.

While waving my arm in the air like it was made of paper.

 

But I mean it in the best way, man.

You body fits your face.

You are all slight and suave and polite. Probably exactly your crush's type, which is why he's after you in the first place.

 

I'm not sure. He hasn't seen all of me. He might not like the rest.

 

I really wouldn't stress over gaining body mass if you're just doing it for a man. Who, as you said, seems to be into you anyway.

Can't blame him, either.

 

Well, maybe I just want me to be into me.

I don't expect to look like you or even him, you know.

I just want to be seen as more than a face, I guess.

 

My man. I don't think you can win this battle. It goes both ways.

Sometimes I wish I could be more than a body.

 

But you have an attractive face??

 

And you have an attractive body.

Gotcha.

 

Smh.

Look, about yesterday. I'm sorry I had to rush away right after.

I had that radio interview thing.

But I'd like to do something more than just bring you a cup of coffee and call it a day next time we meet.

 

Oh?

 

No matter what you say, it feels wrong to just come and go and not even pay you for your time. You're a professional, after all. I should treat you as such.

Even though you claim we're gym buddies now and you're not my trainer, you kinda are. You spent the whole time fussing over me.

 

I guess I did.

But I mean it, don't stress over it.

 

I have to. I hate being in someone's debt.

I don't know how packed your schedule is, but I usually get tiny breaks throughout the day to grab something to eat and move from place to place. And you said something about having irregular lunch breaks, too? Because of your clients' appointments?

 

I really don't want you to think you're obliged to do this.

Be comfortable.

 

I am. It's easy to talk to you and all. But I won't be calm if I can't return the favour somehow.

You won't take money, so let me treat you to lunch or brunch or something.

 

Hmmm.

 

Or dinner after we're done working out.

Anything but cheap Starbucks. It makes me feel cheap, too. Like I'm using your kindness.

 

Is Starbucks cheap for you?

Rip @ us ordinary mortals.

 

No, look, that's not what I meant.

 

Once again, I'm just messing with you.

You're lucky I'm such a slut for food.

 

Well.

 

Ahaha, you're so prudish.

What are you up to today?

 

Another interview.

 

Are you, like, some kind of comedian?

Do you do funny spots for the radio?

 

Not exactly.

Hbu? The gym?

 

You know it. :)

 

The heck.

Are you cheating on me? I thought you were supposed to be coaching someone, not work those muscles without me.

 

What can I say. Today it's breezier than usual here. Very few clients.

And I'm not the only employee in this bish.

Actually, I am the one and only boss of this bish.

Damn, it feels good to say it.

 

Is it good to be the boss of a place that doesn't have many clients?

 

Look, runt, let me revel in my success.

Not every day is a feast.

 

Well, it could be. A feast.

When's your next appointment?

 

Not until 3PM.

Why?

 

I could stop by. Treat you to lunch.

 

Could you now?

 

Yeah. It would have to be quick, though.

I would have to squish you between the interview and a performance.

 

I like to be squished between things.

 

I take it back.

 

Ahaha.

Btw, Mr I Want To Return The Favour.

Where is my selfie.

 

What selfie?

 

The one you didn't send back despite being all about retaliation.

 

I have none to send.

 

But you have you.

Snap it, work it.

 

I am at the broadcasting station. I can't take selfies like a vainglorious homosexual here.

 

:(

 

??

You will literally see me in an hour or so. If you're up to it?

 

I'm up to it.

 

Cool.

I'll come by the gym.

I'll text you when I'm there, sounds good?

 

Sounds good.

But you know what sounds even better?

 

What?

 

A selfie. :3

 

There isn't anything to see.

I'm not in my super sweaty workout mode, either, so I can't retaliate properly.

 

Gimme that suave gentleman mode instead.

 

No can do.

The interview is starting.

 

Sigh. You're no fun.

You better treat me to something real good.

 

I will, boss.

 


	3. III.

Hey.

 

Kihyun, hey.

I'm glad you wrote first.

I wanted to explain.

 

What?

Oh, that.

No, I mean, it's cool. I misunderstood, but that's on me.

It's just that I get a little jumpy when it comes to my privacy. Don't think anything about it.

 

No, I still want to apologize.

I wasn't trying to take a photo of you, it's just that I wanted to boast that I've been to Starbucks, ahaha.

Not that it's too boastable. At this point, it's more like. Basic.

I wanted to boast I've been to Starbucks with a man who isn't my best friend or his boyfriend.

 

Don't sweat it, I got it.

You must think I'm some kind of self-important freak, though.

 

Not even.

You said you perform and you're obviously important enough to have all these events and whatnot.

Whatever it is you do, I get that you need to keep some things to yourself. Like, where you are and with whom.

Again, it was my fault for flipping out my phone like that without warning and starting snapping everything.

I can be clueless at times, but I mean well.

 

It's alright. We already dealt with it yesterday.

 

I erased those pics in which I could sorta see your face.

And I only kept one.

I'll send it so you can see it.

Tell me if I should delete it too.

 

Hyung, it's fine.

 

 

Here it is.

Look at you with your precious manpurse.

 

First of all, that bag was a gift from a fan, so be kind.

Second of all, I meant when I said that it's alright.

I wasn't sure what you were doing at the time, but you explained it right away.

I trust your words.

 

You shouldn't be so trusting, though. :/

If it's that important for you to keep your privacy and all, maybe you should stay suspicious.

 

I'm suspicious enough.

But it's difficult to stay suspicious of you.

 

How so?

 

Well, for starters, you sort of invited me into your home (the gym, you gym rat) and you were even reluctant about letting me take care of the tab and... I dunno. If you wanted to take any sneaky pictures of me to sell, you would do it in the gym, not at an innocuous coffee shop.

 

Verbose.

 

And, as you said, you can be quite clueless.

 

Rude but true.

Also, are you that famous? Would pictures of you buy me a treadmill or two?

 

Obviously, you don't know me, therefore I am not very famous.

So, no.

 

In that case you are a little freaky for giving me that Look.

You know.

That stern professor look.

As if I was cheating on a test when I pulled the phone out.

 

I did no such thing.

 

You so did!

 

I don't think I did, but I'm sorry anyway.

Today's session is still up, isn't it?

 

Of course. What did you think?

Wait. I can blackmail you now.

Selfie or no workout session. Pics or no pecs.

 

Geez. Bossy.

 

OH DAMN.

Look at him.

All spring-summery.

But where is your face.

Are you still suspicious of me?

Do you think I would forward your selcas to some cheap tabloid?

 

Oh. I didn't even realize.

 

You're not fooling me, Mr Famous But Probably Not So Famous.

Still.

It's a pretty nice pic. Hyung is satisfied.

 

Hyung should tell me whether he likes the newest Hugo Boss cologne.

 

!

Why?

Are you going to wear it for me today?

 

No? I meant it as a gift.

 

Oh.

What.

 

You keep refusing money.

And I have surplus stuff from sponsors and so on.

You talked about enjoying nice scents and being a skincare buff. I can pass you some stuff.

Just tell me which brands you like.

 

No.

Thanks, but no.

You'd stop feeding me.

 

Sheesh, I wouldn't.

 

You so would.

You would be all “We're even now, starve, bitch.”

 

You can have both.

 

It's lovely of you, Kihyun, but I would hate it.

I like earning things.

 

That sounds lowkey kinky.

But jokes aside.

I meant that offer.

 

Jokes aside, it was supposed to be lowkey kinky.

But even in a completely non-kinky way, I like to work for the things I get. So. Thanks, but no thanks.

 

I guess I will just have to give everything to my brother again.

 

See, that's a more suitable person to be generous to. Give ole good Hugo to him.

 

Poor fucker has about fifteen colognes already.

 

Wow.

Share the stuff with your friends.

Or your crush.

 

Done and done.

But there's too many.

 

All perfumes?

 

Shoes, ties, watches, skincare, sometimes snacks.

 

Holy shit. Nice.

I can be bought with snacks.

But I was kinda hoping dinner.

 

I've said it. You can have both.

 

So.

8PM?

 

Deal.

Btw?

I'm glad you're not weirded out by the whole no photo policy.

 

Np, man. I'm more weirded out by that “take my earthly possessions, you silly mortal” moment.

 

Shit.

That's not what I meant.

 

I know, I know, ahaha.

You're so easy to tease.

 

For real.

Anyway.

You like to earn, I like to give.

Tell me if you change your mind.

See you at 8.

 

I'll pick you up!

 

~

 

Hey, boss.

 

Hello, dainty dom.

 

What the fuck.

 

I like alliteration.

 

I like not choking on my breakfast first thing in the morning.

 

You can't possibly choke on your breakfast first thing in the evening.

 

Try me.

Anyways, I texted you to gloat.

 

Did you ask your crush out?

 

No.

I've seen him, but we barely talked.

It's always busy during events.

But! I've gained 3 kg.

No squish. No chub.

3 kg worth of these glorious thighs.

 

He can sit in that lap now.

 

I wish.

 

Ask him out!

 

I can't.

I'm not perfect yet.

 

Fight me on that.

 

I think my stomach is getting a little bit more chiselled, too.

Like, I am getting those tiny ripples around my ribs?

Those tiger-paw ripples?

I keep looking at myself in the mirror.

 

Duuude.

What is the point when you never show me anything, though?

You're my masterpiece. My sweat and blood.

The fruit of my toil.

And you never even wear short-sleeved T-shirts when we work out together. I can't even see the progress you're making.

 

What can I say. I am very private.

 

And prissy.

 

And I still have 0 arms.

 

Lmao, shortcake. Last time I counted, you had two.

 

Pretty sure I have none.

Not until I can at least semi-lift someone against a wall.

 

Oh, my dear dainty dom.

With the type of guys you go after? You'll never lift a guy against a wall.

More like, you'll be lifted.

 

Sounds good, too.

No, but look, I'll fake it till I make it.

I'll pretend to lift him while I push him up with those killer thighs.

I have it all figured out.

 

Let's focus on those thighs then, lmao.

That's where you have the most meat to build off, anyway.

Trust this hyung's methods.

Also. Speaking of trusting this hyung.

 

What is it? What are you up to?

 

Nothing!

But I took this pic the last time we hung out. I thought you should see it so you know your face is cropped.

 

Wow.

This one actually came out nice. Colour-wise, I mean.

 

Right, right?

 

Yeah, it's some serious profile pic material.

But it's not the kind of content I'm allowed to post on my social media.

 

How come? Who can stop you?

 

My manager.

 

It's a perfectly nice picture. What's wrong with it?

 

There's nothing wrong with it.

It's just the rules.

 

What rules?

 

No skin (my feet are showing), no low light (too suggestive), faces are preferred.

It's a bunch of bullshit.

 

Aaslkjglsakjgt.

It is.

 

I like the picture, though.

I'm saving it.

 

Are you??

 

Yep. Done.

I should take some snaps of you when we're hanging out, too.

So you have some boastable pics.

 

You really should. I'm kinda affronted you haven't yet.

 

I took those professional photos for you, though. In the gym.

You know. The ones you posted on your website without giving me any credit, you little thief.

 

Are they really professional when you're the one who took them?

:>

 

Excuse me.

The last one?

That shadow play?

That mighty dance of muscles?

That impeccable lighting illuminating your face?

The miracle I managed to work with your posture?

I even got you to stop posing with that silly peace sign for once.

I'm an artist. A genius.

 

You were so cute for a second here with all that poetic praise and then you had to ruin it.

My peace signs are not silly.

And that pic wasn't that hot, anyway.

 

It wasn't?

Oh?

It wasn't?

Wasn't it?

Is that why it's planted all over the Curves' website to lure in new clientele?

Excuse you?

How dare you?

Take it back. Look at this statuesque piece of heaven and tell me “it's not that hot.” I dare you. Look me in the fucking eyes and deny God.

 

Damn.

I really look fine as fuck, don't I.

 

See. My lighting. MY lighting.

 

Okay, I was hoping it was my body and beauty.

 

I'm not gonna lie. That's also a factor.

But mostly it's my lighting.

 

Sheesh.

Whatever you say. I'll give it to you you're really skilled.

(Is that enough for you not to charge me for using that photo? Ahaha.)

Btw. What are you planning tonight? It's your day off gym, are you glad?

 

I'll just massage my thighs sadly.

 

Wanna hand.

Actually, I can't help. I promised to go see the newest Ma Dongseok movie with my bff and his bf.

 

I see. You wanted to gloat about your plans.

 

I like being unattainable. :)

 

No spoilers when you come back.

I've wanted to see the movie since I saw the trailer.

I love Ma Dongseok.

 

You do? I wouldn't take you for the sort of guy who likes action movies.

 

I don't. I just love that actor.

That man.

Goddamn.

 

What the fuck.

Is this dainty dom into deadlifting dads?

 

Ngl, he could have it.

He's. Fuck. He's my ideal type.

 

He uglie!!!! He's twice your age!!!!

 

And triple my size.

I love it.

 

Holy hell, Kihyun.

Let's go together.

 

No, no, you're going with your friends. I should let you have some days for yourself. I already impose on you enough. I hope you'll enjoy the movie. Take a break.

If you spoil something, though. Anything. You're dead to me.

 

Let's go together tomorrow after the workout.

 

What's the point if you'll have already seen it by then?

 

I will look at you looking at papa Dongseok.

 

He could dwarf you, probably. What a nice thought.

 

Yeah, I don't like that. I like the cute ones.

So, hey, no schedule for today? Nothing?

 

Nope. Nothing besides sating my roommates' thirst.

 

You have roommates? More than one? Thirsty ones? Are they gay?

Kihyun, what do you mean by “sating.” I thought you had a crush.

 

I live with three handsome succs.

 

????

 

Succulents.

 

Get fucked!

 

Aaklsgjkg.

 

You'd have me believe you're some kind of manwhore for a moment.

My heart stopped.

 

Still not man enough to be a manwhore.

 

Shut it, you've gained 3 kg.

You're making so much progress.

But don't become a manwhore once you're ripped. That would be too sad.

 

Don't worry. I just want a man to be my whore.

Jfc, no, no, abort. I wanted to be punny, but goddamn, it came out too awful.

It came out all kinds of wrong.

I don't want that.

 

Not even a little bit?

 

I mean. Control is nice.

But then again, I like (head)strong guys for a reason. :/

 

OooOOoooOOOhhh.

Someone likes to be bossed around.

 

Or tossed.

But yeah.

 

UUUUUUUUUUH.

So why are you getting bigger?

Doesn't that defeat the purpose?

 

You seem to be pretty hung up on that.

Why is it so bad that I want to look a little manlier?

 

Dunno.

Nothing, I guess.

Nothing if it makes you happy.

 

It does.

 

Still, though.

What are big bottoms who are into twinky tops supposed to do if y'all get suddenly ripped?

 

I have yet to met a big bottom who's into twinky tops.

 

Dude.

Deadass.

What the fuck.

 

Yeah?

 

Have we met?

 

????

Wait a minute.

 

This bish... I swear.

 

No. No?

 

Are you actually kidding me.

 

But you're all bossy and all about earning your own things.

Oh.

 

I am screeching.

 

Let's change the topic.

Are you looking forward to third wheeling tonight?

 

I am not dropping the topic, I am the topic.

I am screenshotting this and sending it to Changkyun.

I must show him someone thought I was a top.

 

It's not that funny. I've only got to know the “hands up, breathe in, ten more laps” part of you.

 

But I'm so cute to you when we're out lunching and brunching and overall munching.

 

[rolling eyes emoji]

You're cute, period.

It's not much of a lead.

 

Wow.

So, hey.

;))

You gonna finally hit on me now?

 

Stop messing around, hyung.

I'm not falling for your jokes.

 

Ahaha.

Too bad.

 

Also.

I sent you 3 handsome succs.

I demand a handsome succ in return.

 

Oh. Oh, I see.

I'm gonna get it now, aren't I.

 

Chop, chop, chop.

 

That handsome enough?

 

Is this some sort of mockery?

This is legit the first subbier than “90 kg worth of man-killing meat” picture of you I've ever seen. Ever.

You just had to rub it in, didn't you.

 

:>

A lil.

I'm cute as heck, aren't I? I love being cute, I should put this pic in my bio.

But I still like it better when the top looks subby. :(

 

You mean like this?

 

ASLDKFJDKGJS.

I will end you!

Why are you so fluffy and domestic.

 

To make you feel even better about being all fly and important and busy today.

I am restraining myself from downloading the movie.

I know ~ papa Dongseok ~ wouldn't be happy about it.

 

I shit you not, Kihyun, I will wrangle your neck.

 

Lololol.

I'm simply paying you back in the same coin.

What's up yours.

 

Unfortunately, not a dick.

Wait. You sent me a picture of your face.

 

Yeah.

 

What is the occasion lmao.

 

I'm at home. I have no company. Nothing to incriminate me.

 

Ok, ok, I get it, and the light is good.

 

Attaboy.

 

I'm gone.

Spiritually and physically, too.

Meeting up with Changkyun and his bf.

I must show them the convo aksljajg.

 

Please, don't.

 

I'll hide your photo, sheesh.

See ya!

And! You and I are going to the cinema tomorrow. It's a plan. You better be ready and just as fluffy as today.

 

Yessir.

Bye, boss.

 

~

 

I'm on my way.

I'm so hyped, it's unreal.

 

Omg.

My dainty dom with his deadlifting dad.

Hey.

 

Hi.

Listen, are you sure you want to go again?

Even though you saw it yesterday?

 

It was a pretty lit movie. Don't you worry your little head.

WAIT. YOU ARE DRIVING.

 

Technically, I am standing still now.

Might be at yours 10 minutes later than we agreed on.

 

It's okay! Put your phone away!

Don't even talk to me until you get here!

Don't feel all mighty just because you're about to see an action flick.

This kid. ://

 

Lol. ~

 

~

 

Hey, are you still up?

 

Hi, shortcake.

 

Nvm.

 

Lmaooo.

Why are you awake? Don't tell me you're still out somewhere?

 

Kind of.

I'm in a cab on my way home and I don't want to fall asleep.

 

Oh, I see. This is what I am to you.

 

A pretty hyung who keeps me up at nights.

 

Sounds dirty. You're forgiven.

Hey, guess what I've been doing.

 

Should I try to guess basic stuff like working out and eating ramyun, or are you actually doing something important at buttfucking 3AM?

 

I've been lurking on this one website.

 

Another dick pic kind of website?

 

No. This one provides me with enough dicks, ahaha.

I've been looking up stuff about my sun sign!

 

That's... sad.

 

What's yours? I'm gonna check our compatibility charts to amuse you so you don't fall asleep.

 

Please, don't.

 

Should I get my boss mode on and make you motorboat these pecs before you inevitably relent, or?

 

Jfc.

I will throw this phone out of the window.

 

Ahaha, not in the mood to be bossed around today?

Well then.

Tell me your sun sign.

Pwease.

 

How can you do this to me.

 

Should I send more?

 

Scorpio.

 

I cackled evilly.

Okay, I'm on it.

Await results.

 

It's going to be a bag of dicks worth of nonsense, anyway.

These things are always so general that you can relate to at least a good half of it, but that's more about vagueness than accuracy.

 

Lemme see, you lil killjoy.

“As two Water signs, both Scorpio and Pisces find it very important for emotions to be the most intense part of their sexual experiences.”

Ooooh.

 

I thought you said you were looking up compatibility charts, not essays about... well.

 

What else did you expect at buttfucking 3AM than buttfucking?

Listen.

“Scorpio is a sign that represents sex as well as sexual repression, and depending on the upbringing and previous sexual experiences, they can be a bit rough on their sensitive Pisces partner.”

Gosh, look at this.

Look at you mighty sexy Scorpio.

Ready to pounce this adorable Pisces guy.

You do seem sexually repressed, though, if you ask me.

 

What is this filth?

 

Wait, there's more.

 

I don't want there to be more.

 

This one is about me!

Amazing!

“On the other hand, Pisces is a sign of orgasms, strange sexual experiences and all of the sexual weirdness. If they understand the emotional depth of Scorpio, they might be much more resilient than we would assume.”

 

“Sexual weirdness.”

 

I'd rather be sexually weird than repressed.

Also.

Did you read that bit about depth? Let me understand your depth as you fill mine. :>

 

The number you're trying to reach has blocked you.

 

Lol. Touchy.

 

Tell me about that sexual weirdness.

 

Oh? Now you're getting interested?

 

Actually, I take it back.

I'm no longer sleepy, so we can drop this.

 

No way, we're getting to the best part.

 

Oh, no.

 

Emotions.

 

OH, NO.

 

Lololol, a true Scorpio.

“If any sign other than Scorpio is capable of understanding Scorpio, it is Pisces. There is an emotional depth to Scorpio that not everyone is ready to face and Pisces are ready to face anything in the field of emotions.”

Look at this.

I am actually yelling, it's so sweet.

I got u and your sharknado of emotions covered, cute tummy fella.

 

Yeah.

It is sweet.

Let's drop it.

 

Repressed & stressed.

 

But well dressed.

I'm home.

 

Heckity heck.

I don't know you like this!!

I mean, you're always sleek and you're all blazers and sweaters and manpurses like a lil gentleman.

But... nice.

 

Thanks?

 

It's you who looks like a boss now.

 

But a cute one.

 

Askldjg yes.

And soon you'll be ripped and taken and what does that make me.

I should really hit up some dudes to send me more dicks.

Look, even the chart says you'll leave me.

“If Scorpio gets tied to their Pisces partner, this might become tiresome for both of them, for too much scattered activity of Pisces can be irritating for focused Scorpio.”

Is this true, Kihyunnie? Are you getting tired of me?

 

No.

Not at all.

Never.

 

Asdfghjkl lmao, you got all serious.

[crying laughing emoji]

 

-_-

 

I guess someone tried to get in touch with their deep emotions. Adorbs.

I'm still pretty sure you're repressed as heck, though.

 

I'm not convincing you otherwise.

 

Well, of course you're not.

Because you're repressed.

But you COULD convince me if you wore anything else than long-sleeved shirts and 20 hoodies to our workout sessions.

 

I'll stay repressed.

So you're pressed.

 

://

I've been discovered.

 

Lol.

Are you going to sleep, or are you going to lurk some more?

I don't want to just ghost you now that you've kept me company.

 

We should both stop lurking, lol.

I've been kind of meaning to go to sleep, at least before you texted, but I couldn't leave you alone in that cab.

Someone might rob you or – gasp – take pictures of you.

 

Funny.

Wait, what?

You weren't just chilling? Hyung, you should've gone to sleep if you're tired.

 

Sleep is for the weak.

But also for me. :(

I'm going now if you're all safely tucked to bed.

 

Still need to shower, but you go.

Go, go.

Ttyt?

 

Okie, my sweet sex-representing and sex-repressed Scorpio.

 

Good night and choke.

 

( ˘ ³˘)♥

 


	4. IV.

Yoo Kihyun!!!!

 

Oh, shit.

 

So it's you!

It's you! You are Yoo Kihyun!

I can't believe this.

 

Don't freak out.

 

Don't freak out, Mr Hallyu Star says.

Don't freak out, Mr Korea's No. 1 Singer says.

 

Don't.

 

I went to visit my mum.

You know, like the unassuming good son I am.

She was minding the restaurant as always and the TV was on and she switched the channel to Arirang bc the news was over.

And suddenly she's all “Oh, Kihyunnie always brightens my day” and “Oh, Kihyunnie is such a handsome boy” and “Angels must have wept the day he was born because his voice is spun out of their golden halos.”

 

She did not say that, I am sure.

 

She did!

Where do you think I got my cheesiness from!

 

My goodness.

Well.

Tell her I thank her.

I did blush quite a bit right here.

 

I'm not telling her shit, starboy.

I can't tell her I have been gym pals with THE Yoo Kihyun for over three months!

She would disown me. She would strangle me and feed me to her customers in meat pies.

 

That would be a lot of meat pies.

 

I'm not going to be swayed by your flattery, Yoo Kihyun, “the pride of Korea.”

 

Don't be like this, hyung.

 

Hyung? Me?

Whose hyung am I? Yours?

Do I know you? Do you know me, Mr Songbird in the Night?

 

To be fair, I told you I was a performer.

I told you my name is Kihyun.

You've seen my face countless times.

It's not my fault you're such a gym rat that you've never heard of me.

 

Oh, I've heard of you.

I have SO heard of you.

I hear about you every goddamn time I play bingo with my mum and her friends. It's always Kihyunnie this, Kihyunnie that, and what a lovely lad, and when is he getting married, he's old enough for that, and gosh, wouldn't his babies be precious, etc. etc.

Not to mention your songs are on every time I put on the radio.

I play your songs in my own goddamn gym. Changkyun and his bf adore you. You're basically their third hubby.

I know your name. I've seen dramas you composed the soundtrack for.

I just.

Shit.

I'm a gym rat, aren't I.

 

I've been meaning to tell you.

But it felt a little too good to be just Kihyun for a minute there.

 

You, like.

Reverse-catfished me.

 

Look. What does it matter what I do for the living?

 

It matters when you make millions and every Korean knows who you are!

 

You didn't.

 

That's because I don't pay attention to the media, okay.

I know that you exist.

 

Thanks?

 

What I mean is, I've heard your songs.

I've cried to your songs, you little shit.

Shit, I just called the pride of Korea a little shit.

Shit, and I've been swearing like a sailor in front of you.

I've made you do sumo squats and I've stolen your croissants.

I've sent you compatibility charts.

I've made sex jokes in front of you.

How am I ever going to live this down?

 

I dunno.

Make more sex jokes?

 

Fuck off.

Oh, shit.

 

Can we please go back to normal.

Just tell me to fuck off again.

 

That gets you off?

 

See. That was easy.

We can go back to insults and torturing my thighs.

Wait.

 

:>

Ctrl+c, ctrl+v.

At least you're being you again.

 

But.

All of this aside.

Kihyun, did you keep this from me because you were scared I would out you?

Or sell your pictures?

But especially that I would out you????

 

No.

At first, perhaps. Back when I thought we wouldn't meet in person, anyway.

There was no reason to tell you who I am.

 

I suppose.

 

To be completely honest, I thought my cover would be blown the second we first met. I thought you would look at me and be like “so it's true what they say about idols” or some bs like that.

But you treated me so casually and you never made any comments about me being an idol (or gay) and I... I dunno. I wanted it to last a little longer.

 

Poor little rich boy.

Shit, that came out so mean.

 

...I suppose I deserve that.

 

I didn't mean it.

I'm just.

I had a whole drama moment this afternoon, alright? My mum was gushing about some warbler-voiced Kihyunnie and I literally laughed at her, thinking that HER Kihyunnie can't top MY Kihyunnie (no pun intended, but I did just chuckle).

And then I looked at the motherfucking TV screen.

And guess who's there.

All sparkly. All cheekbones.

 

Was the suit too sparkly?

 

No.

But your eyes were.

What the fuck, Kihyun. You could've broken my heart with that song and that stare.

 

You would hate me if I said I'm really, really pleased right now, wouldn't you?

 

I already hate your guts, you Jigglypuff-ass, catfishing-ass ass.

 

And you've cried to my songs?

 

That's beside the point!

 

Which ones?

 

I'm not telling you.

I hate you.

I've made you gain 7 kg.

7 kg worth of hunkiness.

I've improved your posture and got you those tiny tiger-paw ripples (that you refuse to show me).

All of that in a little over three months.

And this is how you repay me?

With silence and secrets?

 

And Starbucks.

 

Yoo Kihyun.

 

Stop saying my name like it's an insult.

I would've told you.

Eventually.

 

When?

At your wedding with your crush?

Who still isn't your boyfriend because what the fuck?

Are you lying to him, too?

Does he know you're famous?

HOLY SHIT.

NO.

I KNOW.

I know who he is. It's the burly beefcake from Monsta X, isn't it. The one people ship you with. The one you keep shooting commercials and singing duets with.

What's his face.

That Shownu guy.

You two even have a whole ship name.

Is it him.

 

No.

 

Bollocks.

I can see right through you now.

 

Shownu is my friend.

We are lowkey milking that Showki thing, ngl. People love us together. But no.

Wait.

How do you know about shipping and whatnot? I thought you didn't pay attention to that stuff.

 

My mum told me.

She's really sold her soul to you, okay.

She knows everything.

 

Tell her not to worry. Shownu's fucking my manager.

 

You're thirsting after someone who's fucking your manager?!

 

Hyung, use those pretty little ears of yours.

I'm telling you.

I am not interested in Shownu.

I collab with Monsta X from time to time, especially with Shownu, but that's business.

We're friends. Close friends. But there's no dicking involved.

 

:// I wonder.

 

He's even bigger than you.

I'm self-aware enough not to try to climb that.

 

And you've never tried to? Never wanted to?

 

Honestly, hyung, what's it to you?

Anyways.

I haven't.

 

I don't know.

I just... I suppose I'm getting paranoid.

Like I need to know everything so you can't surprise me like that ever again.

 

There's nothing else to surprise you with.

The cat's out of the bag.

 

It's a little sad.

That you couldn't tell me.

 

I never tried to hide it.

I only have one name and one face, you know.

 

Yeah, but!!!!

 

Look. I had three options.

I could have told you and look cocky, like being an idol and being recognized as such defines me. Like it's so important to me.

Or I could have told you and find out you've known all along but pretended not to know, which is something I don't know how I'd feel about.

Or I could've just rolled with it.

It was nice, not having to worry about being me.

 

But I've been shitty to you.

 

You've literally never been shitty to me?

Ever?

That's the point?

You didn't know who I was and you've been kind as fuck.

You treat me the way I kind of miss being treated.

 

I don't know.

I could've been less frivolous, at least.

 

But why the fuck.

No.

 

I guess I started yelling at you as a joke, but now actually feel a little down.

 

Fuck.

I didn't want that. Didn't mean that.

 

I'm making myself feel better by stalking your social media and watching video compilations of your silly moments on Youtube. You trip so often it's unreal.

 

Jfc.

 

I am ignoring those Showki vids because I'm a hater.

He should stay faithful to your manager.

What business does he have, hugging you from behind as you cook.

Shoo, dude, shoo!

Look at him lumbering around. Lurking.

Like a big bear.

 

-_-

I thought you weren't watching those.

 

I couldn't help it!

People ship you with that Hyungwon guy, too.

AND Gun.

Why do people ship you with everyone.

 

I'm cute.

 

Akaaklsjkg.

You are.

Okay, listen.

Fuck, marry, kill.

 

What the fuck.

I thought you were sad.

 

I'm done grieving over your lack of trust in this hyung.

 

You know that's not it...

 

Yeah. I know, Kihyun.

Of course I know.

 

Really.

So you did all of this.

But you know.

 

:3

I had to retaliate somehow.

It's all about retaliation with you.

 

Is there an emoji to convey exactly how exasperated I am right now.

Hoseok, I thought I hurt you.

 

Lmao.

You'll hurt me if you don't play fuck, marry, kill with me.

 

F: Gun. (God damn.)

M: Shownu.

K: Hyungwon. Choke, frogboi.

 

SEE, I KNEW IT, I KNEW.

IT'S SHOWNU.

 

He's husband material.

The other two would throw me under the bus had they the chance.

 

And what is this about fucking Gun!

Why him!

 

He's hot?

 

SO IT'S HIM!

IT'S HIM!

 

It's not him.

I never had a crush on another celebrity. (With the exception of papa Dongseok.) (He fine.)

 

So you're, like, into someone who's not famous?

A regular guy?

 

The hell.

I'm a regular guy, too.

 

Like fuck you are.

But more importantly.

Does the man know? Does he know who you are?

 

Yes, he knows.

He frequents my fansign events and he's been to every hi-touch and...

Yeah. He just knows.

It's scary sometimes.

 

How so.

 

Minhyuk keeps telling me to watch out for men like that.

 

Who's Minhyuk?

 

Shit. Sorry.

My manager.

 

The one Shownu's banging?

 

Yep.

 

Well, Minhyuk better keep an eye on that Shownu dude instead of your crush.

I don't trust him around you.

He's too much of a papa bear for you to resist him.

 

Lmao.

So is this a good sign?

Are we back to normal?

 

I mean, I might rub your nose in it for a little bit longer.

Did you know that people make memes of you?

 

With great power comes great price.

 

 

I can't fucking believe you.

 

:3

 

And I was about to invite your for dinner before this all went down.

Before I was pranked and mocked.

And memed.

With my own face.

I guess it's no dinner for you.

 

When he says no dinner.

 

Fuck off.

 

This hairstyle suits you.

So much.

I mean, I am snooping through pictures of you and you look good whatever the stylists do to you.

But this light / greyish colour is my favourite so far.

 

It's still no dinner for you.

 

Aw.

Hey. Also. Remember that fluffy pic you sent me? (Because I do. I think about it 14 times a day, ahaha.)

I can't find it anywhere online.

 

Yeah, I never had the chance to post it.

 

So I'm the only one who's seen it?

 

Yeah.

But please, stop Googling me or whatever you're doing.

I make a lot of embarrassing faces.

 

You doooo.

It's adorbs.

 

How many times can I post this before it loses its impact.

-_-

 

Okay, okay, stop giving me that stern teacher look. I'll stop snooping.

Well, I'll still snoop, but I won't tell you about it.

#thelurkdontstop

But your hair!!!!

Have you ever considered dying it red? Or pink?

 

Why, for Christ sake?

 

So you look even lovelier.

(And subbier.)

♡〜٩(^▿^)۶〜♡

 

I didn't become a celebrity to satisfy your kinks, you know.

 

What a sad world.

But sometimes it seems like you became my friend to satisfy them, ahaha.

So.

About that dinner.

 

The dinner you're not getting?

 

Aw.

 

Just kidding.

I'm waiting at our spot. I thought we could start with coffee.

You probably need it.

And I need a literal Size Up.

Get it, get it?

 

Ffs.

I get it, you adorkable little liar.

 

I really wasn't trying to lie.

 

I know.

Once again, I'm just messing with you.

 

Are we cool, then?

You're not going to roast me or be petty?

 

We shall see.

So it's coffee first, then we're sizing you up, and then dinner?

 

Yep.

Unless you want to eat now and wait for two more hours before we can work out.

 

I don't mind.

If you're free.

 

I'm free.

And waiting.

 

Ok.

On my way!

 

~

 

Look at him.

All lips and nips.

 

Them nips don't lie.

But wow.

Why am I so beautiful?

Tell me, Kihyunnie. Why have I been cursed with such a gorgeous face?

I can't even keep a man because of it. Everyone is either intimidated by my body, or my beauty, or both. I just had a dude cancel on me, would you believe? And after I sent him my asshole, too.

I don't get it? I'm such a catch. He's seriously missing out.

 

I don't think you're ever going to find a man on this website.

You're only going to find small shy fuckers who are trying to be bodybuilders, but who are actually singers.

 

Well, a small shy fucker who is actually a singer is still a man, I suppose.

But he said no dicks and no gaping assholes.

* sad Naruto flute *

 

I never said no gaping assholes.

 

LMAO.

You just messed with me harder than I've ever messed with you.

Who taught you this.

Was it that Shownu guy.

Do you guys often joke about gaping assholes.

 

Although he is funny in pretty unpredictable ways, I don't think I've ever heard him joke about gaping assholes.

The only gaping asshole Shownu talks about is Minhyuk, my lovely manager.

 

Pfffsflksf.

Poor Min Min.

 

You don't even know him.

Don't pity the devil, hyung.

Pity those who are under his yoke.

 

True, I've never met him, but I'm sorry for poor Min Min anyway.

I imagine he's a guy even tinier than you.

Always huffing and puffing to score you some nice contracts.

Maybe a lil bit chubby. Is super cute because that's the kind of guy beefcakes like Shownu go after.

Probably wants the best for you because he lets you flirt with his bf for fans.

Must be worried a lot because he keeps phoning you when we're at the gym together.

 

No.

He's none of that. None.

He's just.

He's a snake, but an overly protective snake, so he strangles people lovingly and won't let go.

He knows I'm working out with you every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and he's trying to meddle.

He's paranoid every time I meet someone who could potentially have a dick.

 

??

Why?

Are the three of you in some kind of weird fuck buddy agreement I don't know about?

Like, do you guys often lovingly strangle each other? [thinking face emoji]

Is that why you fake-fuck Shownu and feed into all that ship bullshit?

 

I don't fake-fuck Shownu and I don't fuck-fuck him, either.

It's not about jealousy, it's about Minhyuk thinking that every man who says half a word to me must be a gold digger.

 

I thought he was only telling you to be wary of your crush.

 

Nope. It's every and any man.

But it's especially my crush.

 

Does he like... have a reason to be worried? “Especially” about your crush?

 

Are you asking if the guy who's into me is only pretending to be into me for my money?

My confidence levels are soaring.

 

Geez, no.

But I got suddenly worried, too. I asked without thinking.

Of course your crush is not that. He would be a blind bish.

Wait. Does your manager think I'm a gold digger, too?

 

Every and any man.

Apparently, I have nothing else to charm people with.

 

Savage.

 

Minhyuk doesn't have to be worried, though.

I haven't had a chance to speak to my crush in over a month.

 

What?

Don't you guys text?

 

Well.

I never had the courage to ask for his number.

 

Let me say it again.

What?

 

We follow each other on social media and he reblogs my stuff and sometimes I reblog his (but I can't be too obvious because, again, Minhyuk has eyes everywhere like Medusa).

And we usually talk during events.

And we've met after an event once or twice and took pictures.

So. We're acquainted.

 

But you don't talk talk?

 

We talk talk. When we see each other.

We flirt.

At least I think that's what we're doing.

 

But you don't meet?

 

No, but.

Well. There's no but.

I guess I really should try to make a move, shouldn't I.

I'm 10 kg heavier and no tabloids are writing about it, which means it's the good kind of weight.

I think it's time to do it.

Isn't it?

 

Kihyun, you should've done it all those months ago.

If you think he's for real and if you're for real, all this stalling doesn't really make sense.

You can always become fitter along the way if for some reason he wants you to be buffer.

You're fit enough, though.

You're enough, period.

 

Hyung?

 

Yeah?

 

??

 

Sorry, I had to deal with a phone call.

I forgot what I was going to say. I guess it wasn't important.

Thank you. For always helping.

 

It's not like I've even done anything.

It's all your determination.

 

Thank you, anyway.

Look, I'm sorry to leave, but I gotta run. I still have to settle some things before that Japan trip.

I'd like to meet up before I go.

 

Tell me when and I'll arrange my schedule around it.

And finally ask out Mr Mancake the Kihyun Killer!

Follow your heart!

 

I'm trying.

Is tomorrow at 4PM alright? A have a little gap there.

We could do a late lunch or an early dinner.

 

A linner.

No, a dunch.

 

You're in for a punch.

 

And with whose arms are you going to punch me? :>

 

Cheeky shit.

See you tomorrow?

 

Yep!

 

~

 

Are you in Japan yet?

 

こんにちは。

 

To quote your face: -_-

You really made me Google it.

 

It's just a simple greeting.

I thought you went to college.

 

I didn't study languages, you shitty shortcake, I'm a personal trainer.

 

*Boss.

 

Gosh, it still feels super nice to hear that.

ヾ(*´∀｀*)ﾉ

By the way.

What is it like in Tokyo?

Is Tokyo Drift by the Teriyaki Boyz playing everywhere you go?

Is everything pink?

Do they have talking toilets?

Wait. None of that is important. But tell me. Tell me. Do they still sell Hibiki Whisky there? The kind with bamboos on the label?

 

I thought you didn't drink.

 

I don't, it messes with my diet.

But the packaging is so nice. :( Even my mum likes it.

 

I can look around for it.

I sure as heck hope it won't break during the flight home.

 

Lmao, you don't want to buy it. You'd end up broke and crying.

Just send me a picture of you touching it. I will touch your hand when you're back. It will be like I touched the God of Booze.

 

Do you realize that by then I will have washed my hands approximately 40 times.

 

Let a man dream.

Btw.

How was your date?

Did you manage to meet the mancake?

 

I did.

 

YOU DID?!

 

Well... yeah.

That was the plan.

Wasn't it?

 

OF COURSE IT WAS.

Look at you!

All grown up!

Dating and shit!

 

I don't know if I can call it a date.

It was more of a pre-date.

I was meaning to ask him out on an actual date.

 

What do you mean, “I was meaning to.”

Did you do it?

 

I never really had the chance...?

There was too much flirting going on and I got all stuck.

It was nice, though. We had lunch.

We met outside a fan event. That's some progress.

 

How.

Can you get stuck.

When the man is flirting with you. Asking to be asked out.

Yoo Kihyun, you sing about love like nobody else. You sing about longing.

 

That's different.

 

But you can't say: Hey, I fancy you.

Let's make out.

But exclusively.

 

I truly can't say that.

 

Sheesh.

He's gonna think you're just stringing him along if you keep this up.

Kihyun, you are a celebrity. You may like to act like you're not, but you are. In a way, you must be terribly unapproachable for the guy.

 

I don't think I am.

He's no demure little thing, waiting for my attention. He has his own life.

And he knows I'm interested, too.

 

So what's stopping you?

 

I told you.

The timing was off. I got overwhelmed.

 

And I thought I was a disaster when it comes to dating.

You're a smol disaster and you're not even dating yet.

 

I guess that's a talent.

 

:<

Did Minhyuk hunt your ass down for meeting the guy?

 

He does seem to be a little done with me.

I can't win.

He's done with me for going out with men and you're done with me for not going out with men.

At least I have Soyou. She's only done with me for being a terrible dancer.

 

!!!!

That's Minhyuk?

Your manager Minhyuk?

 

Yeah.

Nowhere near chubby and worried.

Look at this handsome devil. Devil being the key word.

 

I am still a Shownu hater.

He's got every cutie for himself.

 

I will tell Minhyuk you find him cute. That might win him over.

 

And if not, show him pics of me flexing.

 

He's seen those.

He's a nosy bitch.

 

But he still doesn't like me?!

Tragic.

 

Listen, hyung, there's still a lot to settle before the tour stars.

I have to rehearse. I might not be able to contact you over the weekend.

 

Oh, it's okay! Don't you worry, pretty tummy fella.

 

It's not a pretty tummy anymore.

 

Pics or it didn't happen.

 

As if I didn't say anything.

Anyway.

I'll try to write as much as I can. But if I stop talking in the middle of a conversation, it's not because I'm an impolite fuck, okay?

 

Akljsklja I know.

You're a proper little lad.

I'll miss you, though. ://

 

Hard same.

Send selcas?

 

Aw, you know how to make me feel all important.

I will!

But so should you!

Or. (ง •̀_•́)ง

 

Noted, boss.

Ttyl.

 

さようなら。

 

Am I even surprised?

 

~

 

What my favourite dainty dom demands, he gets. :>

Good morning.

You're probably super busy, so work work work, my lovely dude.

I'll be snooping for fancams and photos of you from today's concert!

 

~

 

Holy fckc.

*Fuck.

 

~

 

You didn't send a selca back! Rude.

 

Hey.

 

Hi!!!!

I made a meme for you.

 

Bye.

 

Akaljsklajg.

At least look at it first.

 

Send it, then.

I am too tired to try to dissuade you.

 

 

I...

 

I am roaring.

Why am I so funny?

 

It's incorrect, though.

I'm into that.

 

Into what?

Oooh. Oooooooh.

Are you now?

 

Well. Yeah.

 

I didn't know the famous Yoo Kihyun was into vore.

 

Fuck off.

 

Lmao.

I'm sorry, I'm being frisky because you promised me pics and I got none and it makes me petty.

And I look so adorbs in those I sent you, too.

What a waste.

 

You do. ://

I didn't send any because you said you'd monitor fancams and stuff.

Isn't that enough of me for one evening?

 

Nah, I could still use more.

And it's not as nice as seeing photos no one else can see.

 

I'm a little tired, though.

 

Dude. I've seen you spit your soul out on the gym floor.

I've seen you sweaty and barefaced and stuff.

You're good.

 

I suppose that's true.

I'm keeping to your routine like the gym rat apprentice I am. Aren't you glad?

 

Shit. Who is this man. All sharp and not fluffy at all. Do I like him? I'll have to think about it.

You could've dropped the workout for today, though!

It's late af, Kihyun. You'll exhaust yourself.

 

I won't.

I'm used to it by now.

 

All of this because you're chasing after a piece of ass.

Smh.

When will someone chase after me like this.

 

Don't guys write you all the time?

 

Daily.

 

Well...

In that case you shouldn't be having this problem, should you.

 

But it's all “Hit it from behind, zzzaddy. ~”

Whose father am I? Not yours, subby sub. Move along. I'm too young and pretty for that.

So again.

Smh.

When will someone hit it from behind.

 

Holy hell, hyung.

 

What?

Am I getting too explicit?

Too explicit for this repressed Scorpio?

 

Be my guest and carry on.

 

Ohoho, someone's feeling spicy after a nice workout.

Maybe I'm not getting explicit. Maybe I'm giving someone a stiffie.

:3

 

Maybe.

 

Alfjslgakj.

You're really learning to mess with people back.

 

 

No!

How could you meme me with my arch nemesis!

 

Why are you talking about Shownu, honey? ~

 

Stop singing their songs!

 

That's for being a little shit.

And giving people stiffies.

 

You don't actually have one.

Do you?

 

Who knows.

It's Schrödinger's cock.

 

Can it be mine instead.

 

Ffs, hyung.

 

It's all good, you're still as lovely and easy to fuck with as always.

I'm content. :>

 

You're really something.

One could misread you.

Listen, I gotta go. Minhyuk is bickering because I appear to have missed my curfew.

 

Aw, you have a curfew?

 

On tours, yes.

Rip @ me.

 

More like.

Rip me. [splashing sweat emoji]

 

Did you just.

 

Lololol.

That's for misbehaving.

 

Goodnight, I crave death.

 

Goodnight, I crave dick.

 

I'm gone.

 


	5. V.

Guess where I am.

 

Japan.

 

Please, be creative.

 

Ahaha.

Harajuku?

 

Be specific.

 

Damn, dainty dom.

I like these curts instructions a lil more than I should.

 

But you like alliteration even more than that, don't you.

 

You can see straight into my soul.

So. Are you at the gym? At the hotel? At a restaurant?

 

Bingo.

I'm at Ichi-Men.

Because I'm Itching for Men.

 

Alkasjgklajg.

Kihyun, don't be adorable!

Aw. Are you eating ramen? Without me? Actual, literal, sensuous, orgasmic, delicious ramen?

You traitor.

You ramen rat.

 

I thought you were the ramen rat.

Also.

[splashing sweat emoji]

I have finally found a use for this god-forsaken emoji.

 

My Eight Gates are open and I am splash-emoji-ing in each of them.

And you haven't even sent me a selca yet.

What a day.

 

I'll send one when I'm back at the hotel.

Alone. The staff are with me now, so I can only take pics of food.

You, on the other hand, are quite welcome to show me whatever you've got.

 

Mmmm.

But do you deserve it?

 

I'll earn it.

 

Is this a retaliation again? For giving you Shrödinger's stiffie yesterday?

I'm weak.

 

So let me get this straight.

You like twinky tops and dainty doms.

Who grovel before you.

 

:>

 

But you also want to do the doggie.

 

(〃▽〃)

 

You're a dream.

 

Yours? Lol.

I didn't work my ass off to get this ass to not have it hit from behind.

I said what I said and I meant what I said when I said it.

 

Wow.

 

Speechless already?

And you haven't seen this yet.

Isn't the light perfect, photographer Yoo?

 

The light and the rest.

You look rosy.

It's nice.

Lol.

 

Only ramen is missing.

Ra-men.

 

I already made that joke. :/

 

And I stole it. Watcha gon do.

 

I'd say spank it from behind, but you'd probably enjoy it.

 

No spanking!

I'd kick!

But a few light pats... :(

 

Shit.

 

Riding is fun, too.

Especially on a pair of strong thighs.

 

Sometimes I can't believe you're the same man I've met face to face.

You're so no-nonsense in person when we train.

Shit, gotta go.

 

Is it because I gave you another stiffie? :3

 

You will never know.

 

I guess that I'll just assume your cock clock went from 6 to 12 every time you ghost me like this.

 

I would have no blood left to navigate my body.

I warned you that I might disappear suddenly.

I wouldn't do it if I could prevent it.

 

I know, shortcake. I'm pretending to be mad, but I'm not really. I just know that it always works on you, ahaha.

Run before Minhyuk hates me even more!

But it's a pity.

I was just about to ask what gets YOU off.

 

I'll be back.

 

Aasfljkag ahaha.

 

~

 

Hey.

What are you up to?

I guess it's late already.

Ttyl.

 

You've heard of dainty doms, now get ready for sporty switches!

 

Oh.

You're on a date.

Sorry, I'll write later.

 

Not a date.

Sadly, I am just as single and sad as always. How many asshole pics do I have to send before I meet the man of my dreams?

 

Is the guy one of your clients, then?

 

Nope.

Not yet. I must sway him.

You abandoned me, so I dragged Changkyun and his bf with me to the gym because now it feels lonely to work out alone. I'm getting Jooheon in shape!

Well, he's already in shape. He's got this sporty body, he's tall and everything.

But there is some baby squish left and I'm taking care of it like the proper bestest best friend in the world I am. Changkyun is thrilled.

Btw. You think your thighs are something? Come touch Jooheon's.

 

Should I?

 

As I said, he's tall.

His thighs are just within range for you to touch them without reaching too much. :3

 

So is your throat.

 

Shush.

You lovely lil shortcake.

What are you up to?

 

Are you sure I'm not bothering you?

 

Nope, not at all. I've spent most of the day with the guys.

Changkyun just ran out to buy some takeout for the two of them before Jooheon showers.

They are leaving me, Kihyunnie. Everybody leaves.

I even offered they could stay over and watch old Ma Dongseok movies with me (he's so uglie! How can you be into him!), but they were like, bye, hyung.

They're going to fuck. ://

 

Without you? Terrible. How can a handsome hyung like you keep third wheeling?

Did you at least enjoy your day?

 

Yeah!!!!

It was a blast, we listened to your songs and all.

But don't worry, they don't know that I know you.

 

You can tell them. I don't mind.

 

I mind.

They would steal you!

They can fuck in peace even without their third hubby (you).

 

Oh.

So.

About fucking.

 

Ahaha shut up.

 

I was under the impression that you were going to ask questions last time we talked.

 

Like you would answer, you Scorpio-ass lil monk.

You're not fooling me.

 

And I thought you were going to be a good hyung and help me with that sexual repression of mine.

 

“A good hyung.”

Yoo Kihyun, tickle my kinks one more time and I won't even joke with you anymore.

I will make you squirm. Deadass.

 

Isn't that what you like to do to your men?

 

I mean it, cute tummy fella.

You don't want to go there with me.

I'll get personal. I'll pry your deepest secrets out of you.

And you'll thank me for it.

I'll take you to the stars.

 

Already there.

I could take you with me.

 

Holy hell.

Nice view!

Did you snap this in your hotel room?

I should've just packed myself into a suitcase and gone with you, lmao.

 

I took it in the sky lobby.

My room is higher up.

 

Higher up, he says.

And I am sitting here.

On the second floor.

And I see no stars.

 

Technically, a star just sent you a selca.

 

Look, starboy.

My dear dude.

Kihyun.

All I see is a silhouette.

 

What do you want to see?

 

Are you being docile, or are you being frisky back?

Sigh.

And it was so precious when you just tolerated me being frisky to you.

 

Bully me some more, then.

 

I'm not bullying you!!!!

 

How else do you call it?

You meme me.

You drill me.

 

But you like it a lil. :>

 

I do.

 

That poor crush of yours will need a manual.

Like.

“Insult his manpurse.”

“Lift him up the wall.”

“But! Bust it open.”

“Kneel when he says so.”

I should write him a novel lmao.

 

I don't think he'll need instructions.

 

How do you know? Have you guys done it already?

 

Of course not! We haven't even had a proper date yet.

 

That's not really a defining factor in whether you've fucked or not.

 

It is for me.

So. We haven't. I don't think we will very soon.

 

Why wouldn't you? You're asking him out once you're back, aren't you?

Hey, how long have you been into him?

You never told me.

 

I think it's been about six months?

 

You think?

 

I never exactly know when these things begin. When I start liking someone, I have no time to pay attention to it and then I'm suddenly drowning.

 

These are those emotional depths only a Pisces can understand, ahaha.

Is he a Pisces?

 

No. Leo.

 

I!

Must!

 

Hyung, no.

 

Look!

Up!

Charts!

 

Hyung, you're bullying me again.

 

I sense another stiffie coming.

 

I don't think you have enough power to give me a stiffie while you also read me compatibility charts.

 

!!!!

I'm game.

By the end of this, you're sending me a pic.

 

Of what?

 

Of you.

A picc of that dicc.

We'll see how much you like to be bullied lkasjkglagj.

Also, a bottom Leo?

Amazing.

 

If I send it.

 

Yeah?

 

Am I getting that gaping asshole pic in return?

 

LMAO.

I don't have any.

 

You...

 

YOU THOUGHT.

YOU REALLY THOUGHT.

Kihyun, I have class!

Smh.

 

#bullied

#fooled

 

Wait, do you want me to take one?

 

You would? I thought you had class.

 

YOU REALLY THOUGHT I WOULD.

 

Fuck off.

 

[crying laughing emoji]

[crying laughing emoji]

[crying laughing emoji]

Kihyunnn. You are truly a tiny disaster.

Are you sure you've ever flirted with your destined Leo?

Wasn't he just, you know.

Kidding around?

 

Like you always do?

I hope I would've noticed.

 

Dunno. I'm the clueless one, but I can still make a booboo the fool out of you.

 

That says more about you than it does about me.

Also.

You are pretty clueless.

 

Rude.

I shall torture you.

 

Sigh.

 

Scorpio vs Leo, here we go!

“This is a complicated relationship between two strong personalities with an incredible sex drive.”

Uh, oh.

 

Well, at least it says I have a sex drive.

I was beginning to wonder.

 

Did you just drag yourself.

So I wouldn't have the chance to do it.

Adorable.

 

I know your ways by now.

 

Ooooh, uh.

“Leo is a passionate lover, warm, always in search for action and they can be quite casual when it comes to their sexual encounters.”

He a lil hoe.

 

Rip.

 

He will be the hoe-y yin to your celibate ass yang.

“Scorpio is sex itself, and the depth of emotion that goes with it in its purest form. When they get together, they could have real trouble finding middle ground between their personalities.”

This website is a hater.

Also, it seems to be convinced you have great depths.

Show them.

 

Show me your depths first.

 

Aklasjgjgl.

You are never letting go of that butthole selca prank, are you.

 

I would also never let go of that butthole.

 

LMAO.

You're the sweetest when you humour me and play along.

Your manager should write me a paycheck for improving your sense of humour.

I've seen you on variety shows and you go from greasy to cringe-shy real quick.

You must learn to deliver the grease without batting an eyelash.

Deadpan as fuck, my dude.

 

Stop watching videos of me.

Stop looking for memes.

 

I can't. I'm a fan now, so I'm hooked.

It's fun to watch you.

 

You see me at least three times a week. You can watch me then.

 

But you're never that silly with me. You're all proper and polite.

All professor-y.

 

That's because you must be handled.

 

My cock clock is ringing.

 

Untrue.

You're pulling my leg.

What else does the sage chart say?

 

I was hoping you wouldn't ask.

It's all depressing shit.

It's not worth sending.

 

Send it anyway. It's all moonshine in the water.

 

I dunno. It's all about neither of you giving up power and about lowkey detesting each other's guts. You don't want to hear that.

 

Send it.

Have I made myself clear?

 

Ffs. Talk bossy to me.

“This is probably the most challenging relationship in the entire zodiac when it comes to emotions that these partners have for each other. In some cases, they can be identified with hate.”  
See.

I warned you.

 

Hate is good. Hate-sex is fun.

 

You've had hate-sex before?

 

Every sex is hate-sex if you hate yourself.

 

Lmaooo.

But you don't really.

Right????

 

No. I was just attempting to be funny again.

I was deadpan, too. You just couldn't see it.

 

I am wiping off tears of pride. And other fluids.

 

Jfc.

Does the website have any useful advice on handling a possibly hateful Leo?

 

None.

It's all about Leos demanding respect and Scorpios letting go of such stuff in bed because it's all raw sex and you can respect the person when it's done.

 

I'd rather respect that person overall, so I'm in the clear.

 

Really?

 

Yes?

 

But even in bed?

 

...Yes?

Isn't it normal?

Wouldn't you want that?

 

Now that I think about it, I guess I would.

Yeah. Especially after.

But when we're at it, all's allowed. As long as it's mutual.

 

Now who needs a manual.

How to handle Hoseok:

“Obey him, but own him.”

 

I'm aroused. :(

So.

Which of this was supposed to arouse ~ me ~?

 

Man, the chart-reading wasn't spicy enough today.

I'm telling you, it was all depression and fighting.

But I could pull out some more Scorpio vs Pisces stuff. That has all the spice.

Also. How do I know it didn't tickle your thingy, anyway?

 

That proof enough?

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's a hard-on if I've ever seen one!!!!

 

Firstly, when was the last time you actually saw a hard-on, hands-on?

Secondly, could be a fold.

Again. Thank our good friend Erwin Schrödinger.

 

FiRsTLy, you insufferable freak.

It's been a while. :(

And secondly!

Tis no fold!

I know it!

 

Could be that I look like this when I'm soft.

 

No, you don't! I've seen you in real life! This is not how your groin looks like!

 

Do you often stare at my groin, or.

 

Who knows.

It's Schrödinger's stare.

 

Poor fucker must be rolling in his grave.

But more importantly.

Retaliate.

 

AKLJLLKSA.

Yes.

 

Shit.

 

I forgot to flex my leg muscles, nooo.

 

Still. Could lock a man between those.

 

When will that happen.

Me @ randos on this website: Uwu tops please interact.

 

You truly must stop stalking k-pop stars online.

You're picking up stan slang.

 

You just... you just admitted that you know this phrase.

 

Minhyuk stalks me online and tells me everything.

 

Aw, Min Min.

Does he know about the amount of all those Showki fics out there?

 

He reads them.

Out loud.

To Shownu.

Poor man has begged me thousand times to stop him. And trust me, I tried.

One would say that only a Scorpio could stop another Scorpio, but Minhyuk is unstoppable.

 

Wait, he's a Scorpio, too?!

Where is my chart.

 

I don't want to hear anything about me potentially fucking Minhyuk.

 

Lol.

 

That photo, though.

 

Which photo?

 

The one you just sent.

 

Oh!

What about it?

 

Why did you send it?

 

????

You told me to.

 

I didn't ask for a half-naked pic.

 

It's not even half-naked.

Did it, like, offend you?

Did it make you uncomfortable?

Wait, it did, didn't it.

You're all prim and prissy even when you play along.

Shit.

Sorry?

I mean it, I'm sorry, pretty tummy fella.

(I even restrained myself from calling you “pretty fold fella” right there.)

(Wait...)

 

I'm not uncomfortable.

But it did kind of throw me off.

You could really be easy to misread.

 

Why, though? I know you're head over heels with Mr Leo, so I know neither of us is thinking anything about it when we're being silly.

The chart says he a lil hoe, so he wouldn't think anything about us being cheeky to each other, either, if you're worried about that. He'd probably join in.

Lol.

Hey, I looked up Scorpio vs Scorpio.

 

Spare me, hyung.

And I mean it this time.

 

Aw. Are you tired already?

Okay, I'll drop it. I'll only say this.

You and Minhyuk are 66% compatible.

 

Sounds about right, only it's missing another 6.

 

Pffft.

 

How about me and my Leo?

 

“My.”

Cute.

Your Scorpio is showing.

You've got 29%.

That's not that bad...

 

Yeah, we would only want to kill each other 71% of the time.

Sweet.

And you and me?

 

81%.

Kihyunnie, tell me honestly.

 

Yeah...?

 

Do you want to kill me 20% of the time? :(

 

No.

Only 19%.

 

Smh.

 

 

SMH.

This cannot be real.

You didn't just send this.

 

It's not hand-made, but enjoy.

 

I screeched like you screech when you try to arm-wrestle Shownu.

 

I should've expected that.

I am waiting for the day you stop watching Showki videos. I'm sure you're the one disliking them.

 

You can bet your ass I am. I am disliking Hyungki and Gunki too!

Okay, my favourite dainty dom.

I'm about to hit the sack.

 

For real?

Is it because I'm being a little shit?

 

Nope, you being a little shit is definitely a plus. It gives me the opportunity to be a big shit, ahaha.

It's because of work.

I have an appointment pretty early in the morning. With a pretty important client, too. Can't afford to sleep in.

 

I see.

Sorry I kept you awake.

 

You didn't, don't you worry.

It's not that late.

Hey.

When are you finally coming back to Korea?

 

Why?

Do you miss me already?

 

Man, I missed you before you even left.

So.

When is it.

I demand Starbucks, a Ma Dongseok marathon and the opportunity to totally “drill” you in the gym, as you put it. I miss ordering you around, you're all “Okay, hyung!” and “Help me, hyung.”

It's cute.

 

I'm back on Wednesday.

I could cook dinner?

 

Cook?!

 

You know I can cook, you lurker.

 

Yeah, but for me?

 

Yes, boss.

 

With no Shownus lumbering around?

 

You and me.

 

Am I a guinea pig before you cook for your mancake?

Well, it doesn't matter as long as I'm fed.

Should I come over? Won't you be tired?

 

I won't.

Come.

 

“Come” he says alksjgkag.

I read it in your professor voice.

 

Good.

Now go to sleep, hyung. I've kept you long enough.

 

Goodnight, tiger tummy fella!

 

Goodnight.

 


	6. VI.

Hyung?

 

Kihyunnie!

You caught me mid-piss, ahaha.

I'm in a pub with my former classmates.

 

Please, wash your hands.

Burn your phone.

 

Geez, I'm in the restroom, but I'm not actually pissing with a phone in my hand.

Have some trust in this hyung.

 

Is this trustworthy hyung drinking?

 

No.

You know I only drink on super special occasions.

Like, not that chilling with my mates isn't a special occasion, but I'm thinking birthdays and weddings and stuff.

 

I won't keep you for long.

I wanted to say sorry that I might not be able to actually cook for you tomorrow.

We've received a message that flights from Japan to Korea are being delayed.

Dinner is still on, but I might have to order takeout instead.

 

Dude.

You are really the sweetest. You don't have to apologize for that. At all.

Are you sure you want to meet up, though? You should get some rest.

We can grab something to eat on Thursday.

 

Oh. So the plan's off when I'm not the one cooking?

I'm hurt.

 

Sheesh! I was being cute to you!

I was being considerate!

Of course the plan is on, but will you be alright?

 

Yeah, don't worry. I'm used to mid-flight naps.

Also. I shall bring you a peace offering for not preparing the meal myself.

Is me coming to Korea an occasion enough for you?

 

Kihyun, you didn't buy it.

Tell me you didn't buy it.

 

I did.

For myself. But you can have a sip.

 

You don't even like the taste of alcohol!

Why would you buy something you hate?

 

It was pretty.

You should really help me down it, though. I might wimp out after a glass or two.

 

No!

That's sacrilege!

You better fucking keep this glorious beautiful lovely honey-coloured immaculately painted mouth-watering piece of art intact!

You better gaze at it lovingly!

You better keep it somewhere visible so everyone knows you have a great taste!

(It's my great taste, but I will let you have it.)

 

The one that shall be kept intact is this baby.

Actually, it doesn't have to be kept intact.

It will be up to your mother whether she drinks it or displays it.

 

Ffs.

You bought both kinds????

I just Googled the price and it's even higher than I thought. Someone fucking hold me.

Yoo fucking Kihyun, do you want to die homeless under a bridge? Is this how you handle money?

Why would you buy shit for my mum????

 

Because you adore her and because she adores the packaging.

She also adores me.

You never even met her!!!!

 

And whose fault is that?

You should tell her, you know. That we know each other. You're keeping me buried like some kind of nasty secret.

And once you tell her, I suppose this should be an acceptable “Nice to meet you” gift.

 

I won't accept this.

 

Good. It's not for you.

It's for her.

 

You never would have done this if I wasn't frivolous and didn't tell you about the brand. ://

 

I'm glad you did, though. The packaging really is pretty.

It made me think about my next Japanese comeback concept.

I should make it traditional.

Like Bang Yongguk's Yamazaki, only less “Onibaba meets Yakuza” and more “lonely scholar wanders the mountains where he talks to flowers and tigers.”

Also, about the fact your mother doesn't know we're friends.

Why?

 

Stop trying to change the topic!

 

I am the topic.

 

(ง'̀-'́)ง

 

I've been wondering.

We're acquainted enough to see each other sweaty and gross and to literally share meals from one plate. We talk about dicks and buttholes and our respective love and sex lives (or lack thereof), but it's like.

How do I put it.

You always brush it aside when I drop hints that I would like to be introduced to your friends or your family.

And, not to be embarrassing, but.

People in my life know about you.

 

They do?

I thought it was only Minhyuk.

 

No?

 

Kihyun, you've told me countless time how private you are.

How important it is to keep certain things secret.

 

Not a whole ass friendship, though.

It's my business who I meet and where, but I'm not trying to hide you as a person from other people who are close to me.

When I said I'm private, I meant it in the sense that I would hate the paparazzi following me 24/7, which might happen if I regularly posted pictures of myself in which they can clearly recognize the place where I am or the person I am with.

 

Oh...

 

I don't want this to sound dramatic, like I am so sought after, but it's happened before. I've had friends who ended up being harrassed either by reporters or sasaengs just because their name got out.

You are a business owner. It would be a much bigger blow for you than for a regular worker to be followed by the paparazzi.

They would stalk the gym in case I showed up, possibly turning off your clients.

 

Wait.

That's why we've never taken a pic together?

 

Why else?

 

Wait.

 

You can't be telling me that you didn't know that.

I've told you the thing I was worried about were cheap tabloids.

 

Literally, wait.

I don't want to keep texting while I'm at the table with the guys, it's rude.

 

We can talk later. It's alright.

 

No, I told them I was going for a little bit of fresh air.

Which I need.

Because. Whoa.

 

Hoseok?

 

No, I.

Wait. Wait.

Let me gather my thoughts.

You'd come and meet my mum?

 

I would love to.

 

You'd really be okay if I told Changkyun and Jooheon about you?

 

Yeah. I'd love to meet them, too. They seem like a nice bunch.

 

So all this “no photo” and “no face” shit.

It really wasn't because you don't trust me?

 

NO?

Why would I talk to a person I don't trust?

 

I'm cute and funny.

You could've been swayed.

I was hoping you'd be swayed.

 

Hoseok, what the fuck.

 

You keep calling me by my name.

 

Yes – fuck.

Hyung. I'm sorry.

 

No, don't be.

 

Look.

I am very much aware that you could make this conversation public. All of it. And even if I managed to smooth over the scandal and say it's all made up, it would still fuck with my career and reputation. There would be enough people believing you instead of me.

But I keep going. I keep going because I know you'd never do it.

 

I thought you kept going because I'm amusing you.

Because you need me from time to time.

 

What.

 

Ahaha, not that I'm that amusing.

 

Hoseok.

Fuck, hyung.

Do you see us as friends?

 

Of course I do!

But I'm a clingy fuck.

How do I know you're friendship-ing me as hard as I am friendship-ing you?

 

If you're a clingy fuck, then so am I.

I've sent you my fold, after all.

I trust you.

You better trust in this dongsaeng's trust.

 

 

So it really was just a fold? :(

 

Don't be sad. I'm showing you emotional depths instead. :(

 

Why did I read this in a sarcastic tone.

 

Because I said it in a sarcastic tone.

 

I knew it!

But.

Man, I think I will be awkward tomorrow.

Like, super awkward.

I will know that you know.

I will know that you know that I thought that shit.

It was a pretty shitty thing to think, too.

 

“Pretty shitty thing to think.”

Was that you being remorseful.

Or are you jacking off to stylistic literary devices again, you rhyming rat.

 

Sheesh, it was actually me being remorseful.

Like, when you first told me not to worry and that you believe I wouldn't sell you out, I think I thought that was true. I thought, well, of course I wouldn't and he knows it.

But the longer we talked, the more I was trying to be respectful of your public persona, I guess.

I thought that...

No, that's silly.

 

Tell me.

And read this any way you want.

 

Sigh.

I thought that if I don't breathe a word about you, only then I'll be really earning your friendship.

Or something.

Ahaha.

Dunno.

 

You've earned me.

 

STIFFIE.

 

I'm not taking the bait.

You forgot I know you're in public.

 

Maybe I have a public stiffie. ://

 

See, no wonder you thought I was just in for free workout sessions and cheap jokes.

 

My jokes are not cheap!

They are bad, but exquisitely bad!

 

You make light of everything. But then you brush me aside and think I'm the one who's kidding.

When you do this, you stop seeing what's serious.

 

Serious, as in.

You have a heart-hard-on for me.

Bc we are bros.

 

Yeah, as in that.

 

!!!!

You have a heart-hard-on for me, uwu!

 

Please, act your age.

 

Says the man who does aegyo and then runs away squishily, all embarrassed.

 

“Squishily.”

 

That's the way you run.

You're all squishy until I'm all ily.

Thus, squishily.

 

Selca, hyung.

 

Why! I'm suspicious.

We were heaving a heart-to-heart, weren't we? I even calmed down enough to go back inside.

Is this a punishment for not acting serious enough? Why did you suddenly got so demanding?

 

I just did.

 

Geez. Here. Walk into the club, like, “What up...”

 

You are my big rock.

 

That's not how the lyrics go!

I am 25 years old and I weight close to 90 kg, but I fucking squealed right here and now. In front of my friends, too. Why are you so wholesome.

It rhymes, too. :(

 

I am aware.

I'm not a singer for nothing.

Is hyung proud?

 

Hyung is soft.

But still suspicious.

 

Well, you might just have a reason to be.

So you know how I like to keep score.

 

...Yes?

 

And you know how we tickle each other's kinks. You know, since that's what good bros do.

 

I am very much aware of that.

Sadly, it's the only thing of mine that's being tickled.

 

I was kind of hyped to text you after the rehearsal before the concert starts so you're the person who sees this first.

(Except for my stylist and Minhyuk, of course.)

But then we got semi-deep there and I didn't get the chance to send it.

Anyways, I need you to approve of my dainty domness.

 

Why!

Do you look!

Like someone just pulled a cockie out of your mouth and you are still a lil teary!

 

I guess I look dainty enough.

 

Are those contact lenses? Kihyun, I fucking swear.

Make me squeal one more time when I'm with my mates and I will destroy you.

I don't know how yet.

But I will.

 

Is this look hyung-approved?

Can I post the photo?

 

Oh, gosh, you're making me feel all important again.

No! I must stay mad!

But also yes! :( Share it, shortcake. Kill us all.

 

Don't be mad. I'll dedicate a song to you.

No, I will say hello to your mother on air.

What is her name?

 

You mustn't.

That would kill her.

And I mean, the shock would literally kill her.

Dance baby shark instead. :3

 

No.

 

Pwetty pwease?

 

Fsfk.

No!

 

But my mom loves that.

 

I see.

The kink runs in the family.

 

Do not insinuate that my mom is into fuckable cuties!

Wait.

 

If she's not, she's missing out.

This fuckable cutie will dance baby shark for her.

Because the other fuckable cutie asked him to.

 

Oh my god.

I should've bossed you harder.

Maybe I could've got you to lift your shirt or something in exchange for my forgiveness.

 

5 more kg and I will.

Work, bitch.

 

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT MAKING ME SQUEAL.

 

“Do it harder, uwu” ?

 

Fucjklsajf off!!!!

 

Get back to your friends,

I'm 2 minutes away from performing.

This is the kind of stress I get for opening up via dick pic websites.

://

 

Oh, fuck.

Rush, starboy!

I'll monitor you!

 

Expect baby shark, baby boss.

 

Nut.

*Night!

 

~

 

Bonbon boy!

Hi!

You're probably sleeping.

Or are you?

 

Aw, I guess you are.

Let me just gush while you're taking your precious mid-flight nap.

(You deserve it. The nap and my gushing both.)

You really didn't have to go so hard yesterday. I woke up to a whole thousand of fancams.

Everyone in the audience was screaming.

So was I, kinda.

I didn't tell you to make the shark dance steamy.

I've already seen 3 articles highlighting your thighs and speculating about your workout routine.

(You better not tell them, I need to earn some money, ahaha.)

I've seen so many close-ups.

You almost ripped those trousers.

But it makes me all warm and fuzzy that you're still petite and stuff.

Your back-up dancers are all, like, a good head taller than you. They're thicc, too. Nice.

 

Who is “bonbon boy?”

 

Kihyunnie, you're awake.

Good morning.

 

 

Is Kihyunnie your bonbon boy?

 

Sheesh. Here he goes, being all coy first thing in the morning.

You know what it does to me.

It's even sadder to go through my DMs after I talk to you. No one ever acts adorbs for me like you do. Everyone wants me to be their father again.

Do I look like Darth Vader? Tell me honestly. Is it the nostrils?

 

I'm not being coy with you.

Who are you to call Yoo Kihyun your “bonbon boy?”

 

Is starboy better?

Ki, why are you like this all of a sudden? Is it because I teased you about your thighs?

 

I'm not Kihyun.

This is his manager speaking.

 

I mean, Min Min is a hottie, but let's drop this roleplay.

 

ALKJfflsj “Min Min.”

Who am I speaking to.

 

...You're not Kihyun. He only keysmashes ironically. What's going on.

 

True, tis no Kihyun.

Tis Min Min the Manager in the flesh.

But more importantly.

 

I CANNOT BELIEVE.

You're Minhyuk?

Minhyuk? Mr Man-Hating Manager? Minhyuk the Medusa?

Wait. Where is Kihyun?

Why do you have his phone?

 

Hold your horses.

I am the one asking questions.

Or should I go through your conversation to get the answers instead?

 

No! Do not lurk! Do not scroll!

I am his personal trainer.

 

Sounds fake. His personal trainer is a woman.

 

I know. Soyou. His dance instructor.

But I help him with his workout.

 

Wait.

Hoseok the gym guy?

 

That's me.

Nice to meet you, I suppose.

Now give the phone back to Kihyun.

I do not appreciate rude people who infringe on other people's privacy.

Neither does he.

 

As his manager, I have the right to know who he's talking to on a regular basis.

Man, I was worried you were that gold digging, frivolous shirts wearing, flirting lil hoe.

 

Still could be me. I've made some dubious fashionable choices in the past.

 

Hoseok the gym guy!

I have a request to make!

 

I have a whole ass request, too.

Stop typing.

Give the phone back.

 

So there is this scheming man, right. Maybe you've heard of him.

He takes Gucci shoes and Chanel colognes from Kihyun like it's nothing.

He lets him pay for concert tickets and hi-touch passes, even for the cab to get there and back.

Like, who buys concert tickets to their own concerts? For someone who doesn't even put out?

Oh, I know who.

This fool.

 

Don't.

Do not. Ever.

EVER fucking do this again.

If he knew what you're doing, you'd be fired.

Wait, that actually doesn't sound that bad.

I hope you get sacked.

Not only for pulling this shit, but for making him do fanservice. You're messed.

 

Protective. Nice.

You're gaining points.

 

I don't give a shit.

This conversation is over.

 

Look, I'm glad this is happening.

He's barely even mentioned his gold digging little crush lately.

 

That's because he talks to me about him instead.

You know, to someone who doesn't judge his life choices.

Kihyun wants that man. You don't know what's between them. No one knows except for them.

Do yourself a solid and be quiet.

 

Do me a solid and seduce Kihyun.

 

The fuck.

Are you actually insane?

He's going to have boyfriend soon and it's not going to be me.

 

It could be.

 

 

We're mates.

 

Are you, though.

I will scroll to make sure.

 

NO.

 

Why not?

Oh, hey. We're about to land.

He still doesn't know I have his phone. I can't believe this.

I should lecture him about keeping track of his things.

 

That's... very fucking rich.

 

Yeah, well, let's ignore the irony for a second.

I mean well, dude.

So, like.

About that whole “let's lure Kihyun away from that good for nothing dude who only wants a sugar daddy... and maybe that dick.”

What are you going to do.

 

Nothing.

 

Duuude.

 

None of this is your business.

You don't know what's going on between Kihyun and the man he likes.

Just as you don't know what's going on between Kihyun and me.

 

But I been knew, ok.

He smiles at his phone 24/7.

Kihyun never smiles!!!! He grins and laughs like a hyena, but this is new.

And he's not texting his “crush.”

He's texting you.

 

I amuse him.

 

Amuse him harder.

 

You know, the funny thing is.

I was on your side.

I thought you weren't the devil.

I thought you were Min Min the Meddler. Like, a little mental, but ultimately nice and caring.

But you're creeping me the fuck out.

Are you even Kihyun's friend?

 

Me? His friend? Who told you that nasty rumour.

Anyways. I do care.

Which is why I'm reaching out to you.

 

You're reaching out to the wrong person, man.

 

Are you telling me the two of you haven't been going on lunch dates.

You haven't been to the cinema.

You don't spend six hours a week in the gym.

You don't text throughout the day.

Throughout each and every day, may I add.

 

Listen, whatever.

You've got it all wrong.

We're friends.

We're bonding over muscles and men.

That's it.

 

But that can't be.

He's all chirpy.

 

He's chirpy because of his crush.

 

No, he's chirpy when we talk about you.

He's not like that when we talk about the Gold Digger.

He's all gloomy and shit.

 

That's because he has no time to chirp.

All he can do is defend that poor fucker from you.

Like he had to defend me because you thought I was a gold digger too.

So, pardon my French, but fuck off.

I'm not listening to this anymore.

 

Wait.

Let's be for real now.

There's nothing between the two of you?

 

Nothing.

 

Why is he cooking for you literally two seconds after unlocking the door to his apartment, then.

 

He's not even cooking. He said he's ordering takeout.

You can't fuck with me. I will always outfuck you.

Caught in a liiie.

 

I guess lying runs in the family.

Dis bish is rinsing cherry tomatoes like crazy.

 

Hey?

Hoseok the gym guy?

 

Rude.

 

~

 

Hey, Ki?

 

Hello.

Are you on your way?

 

Yeah.

Are you sure you want to meet today?

 

Of course.

But as I said. It's takeout for you.

 

Is it really?

It's okay.

You know I can eat anything.

 

You're the best.

There's another catch, though. My luggage got delayed as fucking always. It was the one where I put the whisky.

The bag is tracked (and stuck in goddamn Jeju), but I won't get to it for a couple more days.

I promised you meat and mead and look at this. I look like a fraud.

 

Ahaha, maybe it's better that way.

...But ”meat and mead,” smh. Stop reading fantasy!

 

Never.

Also, you're still getting wasted with me. Just you wait for the weekend.

 

Is that a threat? Am I literally being threatened by a cupcake, as the meme goes?

Hey, but also...

Is maybe your manager there?

 

God, no.

When I'm expecting you?

He loitered here for a bit after we arrived because he is annoying like that.

And because Shownu's schedule was packed today.

 

But he's gone now, right?

 

I wish I could say “dead and gone.”

 

Why?

Did he do something?

Did he say something?

I mean, something bad about your crush?

 

Well. That was spot-on.

It was the same old tirade, I'm honestly tired of it.

I don't want to talk about my crush for the rest of the night, if that's alright. Or the rest of my life. But I'm meeting him on Friday to settle something and Minhyuk isn't happy about it. He doesn't even know the half of it.

Sheesh, I just realized how silly it is, to keep calling a grown ass man's grown ass male love interest a “crush.” I should stop.

 

It's adorbs. Keep doing it.

And don't mind Minhyuk. I mean it.

I guess he wants the best, but you have to listen to what your own reason tells you.

 

Don't worry, I am. But should I find it insulting that you think I might depend on Minhyuk of all people as my voice of reason?

 

Aw, snippy shortcake, that's not what I meant.

Just don't let him meddle! You have to be firm.

“Oi, asswipe, it's my business who I fuck (or awkwardly try to fuck while I miss every opportunity to confess like I'm Fitzwilliam Darcy).”

 

Did you... just compare me to an Austenian hero.

 

To the single most emotionally stunted one.

Are you proud? I'm literate.

 

Now who's adorbs.

 

P sure it's you. But just to confirm that. What are you wearing? :3

 

The usual.

 

I think I just came a little.

 

How does that even work?

But more importantly.

What are ~ you ~ wearing?

 

You'll see that soon enough, you terrible terrible tease.

 

I want to see it now.

Gimme.

“Pwease?”

 

FlmfksFUCK!

I took one before I left.

 

I... think I came all the way.

Now these pants are ruined. Bye, Burberry.

 

Take them off.

 

Is this us?

 

Oh, my man.

We're more powerful than that. We know we're into it, so we can boost each other's self-confidence like crazy, but without the mishaps and emotional baggage that come with actual dating.

 

And is that good?

 

It's the best! I want you to be so self-assured that you sweep Mr Mancake off his feet on Friday.

Getting off the bus!

Should I jog to you?

 

I'll measure the time.

 

Deal!

 


	7. VII.

Hyung?

 

Oh. Hey, Ki.

 

Am I still Ki?

 

What?

You'll always be Ki.

Everything's alright, isn't it?

I didn't leave in the morning to ghost you, I swear. I had to rush to work.

I didn't plan to sleep over.

 

Or those other things, I suppose.

 

Well. Not that, either.

It sorta... happened.

Ahaha.

There were five handsome succs in your flat yesterday. :>

 

I'd say this is no joking matter.

 

I know. I know.

I know how reserved you are about stuff like this. I messed up.

I'm really, really sorry about it.

It's just that... we were alone and we were being fancy and you're a good-looking guy and suddenly I got this idea when you leaned in for that glass that you're about to kiss me and, well. I slipped. I really didn't mean to do it in the first place, let alone take it that far.

 

You're sorry about it?

 

Yeah, terribly.

I mean it, Kihyun. Please, don't be mad.

 

You think I'm mad?

 

Aren't you?

 

No. Of course I'm not.

 

Oh, thank god.

Thank god.

I was afraid you'll be livid because... well. You have someone you like and I was dumb and needy and I kissed you anyway. And then the rest.

I was afraid you'd wake up and hate me.

But at the same time, I was kind of hoping you would say it's okay. I kind of thought you would?

Like, I lowkey believed that we're on the same page. It didn't mean that much, anyhow. There's no real reason to be upset.

I'm hot, you're hot, we've been talking about intimate stuff, so it's normal to want to try.

 

Hold on.

Slower.

 

That's not what you said yesterday.

 

Hoseok, for fuck's sake.

Make fun of this one more time and you'll actually make me livid.

 

Ki, you slow down now.

You're being... I don't know.

I guess you're not as okay with it as you say, are you? You're going all “Hoseok” on me.

You only do that when you're super serious.

 

Yes, I am serious.

I would appreciate if you could do the same for a second. At least for this once.

 

But you don't have to be so serious. Really. There are plenty of friends who suck each other's dicks.

And, like, I know we should've stopped at that, but... I guess there are some friends who do the other things, too.

 

Are there also plenty of friends who do it like this?

Because I've certainly never done that, Hoseok. I've never done it that way.

Ever.

 

What way.

 

Bareback.

 

Well, same.

But it felt good.

Didn't it?

 

It did.

You fucking rode me until I almost cried.

 

You did get a little teary there, starboy. All starry-eyed. You were so pretty.

Show that to your Leo. It will make him burst.

It definitely made ME burst.

 

What the fuck.

How can you talk about him right now.

 

Jesus, sorry, sorry.

I'm really clueless, aren't I.

You must feel...

Well, all kinds of weird about him right now.

 

Yeah. We were never even together, but it's like I cheated. It's like I didn't conclude things.

 

Shit.

Oh, no. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, Ki.

I haven't considered that.

Look, you're not together yet. He doesn't have to know.

What happens before you actually date isn't important. It can't be. Nobody would date otherwise.

You're meeting him tomorrow, so it's all good. When you ask him out, you'll begin with a clean slate.

 

“He doesn't have to know” ?

Hoseok, I'm not pursuing him after this.

I can't.

 

Don't be like this.

He might be doing the same while he waits for you to take the first step. He's free to do so until you ask him out. It's normal.

We're adults. We have needs. It's all fair unless you're exclusive.

And if you truly feel bad, tell him. See what he has to say.

But don't throw this away just because you did something mindless in the spur of a moment.

 

It wasn't mindless, Hoseok.

I could excuse it as a mistake if there was alcohol involved, but there wasn't.

And even if there was, we still did it twice. Not even a gallon of Hibiki would make me slip up that bad.

I wanted it.

 

Yeah, well, same.

I wanted it, too. The second round... you did to me all the stuff I've always been too shy to ask for from strangers.

But now we've tried and we know what it's like and the tension and curiosity will go away. We can go back to snark and silliness.

 

Can we.

 

Yes????

It's gonna be alright, Kihyun.

You don't even have to worry about me standing between you and your crush.

I'm no Minhyuk the Meddler.

I'm just Hoseok the Hoe, haha.

 

Don't ever call yourself that.

 

I mean, it was probably my hoest moment, ngl.

I've been seduced before, but never by spicy banter and home-cooked mandu and galbi and stir fried octopus and...

Shit. My mouth is watering.

 

Wait.

I told you I didn't cook for you.

 

But you did.

Didn't you?

 

Yeah.

Like a fool.

 

It was kinda dumb to pretend it was takeout food, you tiny tsundere.

Why didn't you just say you worked hard to prepare the meal? I would have praised every single dish twice as much.

 

I didn't want you to feel burdened.

You don't like it when I do too much.

So I said it was takeout and I said my bags got delayed because if I pulled out the bottle, you would just rant about me buying stuff the whole evening. I wanted you to feel comfortable.

I wanted... I don't even know.

 

You had the whisky at home? The whole time?

 

Yeah.

But I didn't want it to be a factor.

 

A factor in what?

 

I honestly don't know.

I suppose I didn't want to spend the evening fighting over what's a proper gift to accept.

I wanted to be with you and have a nice time.

Which is funny because to have a nice time together, I had to make it less nice.

 

I... don't mean to be that difficult.

I don't do this to make you miserable or to shit on your kindness in any way.

There are just certain things I'd rather not take.

 

A dick isn't one of them, but a bottle of booze is?

Interesting.

 

Jokes on you, I'd always take your dick.

 

Ki...?

I'm sorry. I'm NOT making fun of this.

I swear.

You're just confusing me even harder than I already was.

We just fucked. Let's leave it at that. It's not the end of the world. I can get over it. We can.

And if it makes you feel better, I will drink that whisky with you after you've asked your crush out. I won't even peep about the price, but I will weep on the inside.

 

I can't be with him. Are you listening? Especially not after this.

Don't you get it?

I told you I wanted this.

 

I wanted this, too. So we did it. And now the air is cleared out.

No more sneaky thoughts. You don't have to stress out about us messing around like this anymore.

 

That's not what I'm stressed about at all.

 

Shit. Look, I never meant to make you think like you failed that guy. I hope you know that.

I never meant to stand between the two of you. I just didn't stop to think when it was all happening.

I got carried away. It felt like a date and you were really attentive and you kissed back, so I assumed you're just as curious. And kinda into me, like, physically.

We're each other's perfect types, after all.

 

Yeah.

 

But, Kihyun.

I'll always be respectful of what you want and who you like. Always.

I'm waiting for you to go get him so you can finally see you've been good enough all along.

 

What are you even saying? It's like there are two guys speaking to me at once.

Hoseok.

I can't be with him.

I won't.

 

Why?!

Ok, listen. Be straight up with him so you don't feel guilty along the way.

If he's reluctant to date you just because you slept with someone else while the two of you weren't even together, I'll personally go to him and sign a paper that I'm keeping my hands off you and that we're just friends who got frisky once.

 

Twice.

 

Semantics, my little dude.

But I swear I'll do it.

I want the best for you.

 

And if he's not the best? Because if he was, it would have happened by now.

 

You've been listening to Minhyuk.

Don't do that. You know what he's like.

Distrustful of everyone who's got a ding dong and whatnot.

Coming up with crazy scenarios.

I mean, judging from what you've told me.

 

So you want me to date.

 

That's what I've been saying.

Wait.

Fuck. I'm onto something.

Kihyunnn. You sweet sweet sap.

You absolute little love.

 

...What?

Hoseok.

 

You are worried about me. Right? Not just about the Leo guy.

You are worried I might be heartbroken or something. But you don't have to be. I know my place.

I kissed you because I felt like the UST was mutual at that moment.

I wouldn't have done it otherwise. I'm not delusional.

 

UST?

 

Geez. Unresolved Sexual Tension, you Internet grandpa.

 

Humorous.

 

To be completely honest?

I would be a little heartbroken if I ever allowed myself to think you and I could have something in the future. You're all I've ever wanted and then some. It would be so easy to fall for you if you were free. It is too easy.

You're not free, though. You've always been straight up about that. You never tried to string me along, and I never tried to sway you from the Leo guy. Never intentionally. I swear on that.

Hell, our whole friendship exists because you're so into him that you wanted to be a better version of yourself for this guy.

 

But if that wasn't the case. If he really turned out not to be right for me.

Not because of you, but because he just isn't.

 

He is, though. You would know it if he wasn't.

You two like each other. I can never forget that for long enough to start being delusional, Ki.

Don't be worried about that.

I'm more worried that I hurt you, without thinking.

 

You didn't hurt me.

I'm not hurt that we slept together.

 

But now you feel like you cheated.

 

Because I did.

I've been unfaithful the whole time. I kept flirting back with you even though it didn't feel so innocent at times.

What's even more fucked up.

When I was on that date with him, I felt like I was unfaithful to you. So I never went again.

It's just funny that even thought I knew you were just kidding, I was the delusional one

 

What?

 

I told you I wanted this.

So bad.

I never had the courage to do anything because you always turned everything into a joke.

With him... It was reciprocated. And I still didn't do it. It never felt like the right time or the right opportunity.

I postponed meeting him and set goals for myself, thinking I'll just ask him out after I'm bigger or stronger or more sure about him. And at first I guess I meant it because he took everything I was giving him and it was so good to be wanted. So I kept seeing him. And he kept showing up because yeah, we were attracted to each other and yeah, he did like the gifts.

He's goddamn gorgeous. When he flirts, I know he means it.

But I'm still here, waiting for you to mean it.

 

No.

 

Wow. Is that all you're going to say?

 

Yes.

Because you don't mean it. You've been just humouring me.

 

I guess Minhyuk and you and everyone else knows what I mean and what I feel.

Only I don't.

Silly me.

 

Dude, stop this.

You're just freaking out because you're making yourself believe that everything is ruined with your crush and you're scared.

So you cling to me because we fucked.

 

Amazing.

Thanks for explaining this to me.

I've been worried.

I almost thought I liked you.

 

Kihyun, I fucking mean it!

 

Yeah.

So do I.

 

Don't do this.

You've already messed with me.

And I guess I've messed with you.

But I won't let you make this even more messy.

You have a date tomorrow.

You'll see that once you're face to face with him, you won't care for me at all. Not in this way.

You better still care for me as your mate, though. I mean, you don't have to. I can't force that. But if you don't, it will really be godawful.

 

You're not listening to me.

When I contacted you for the first time, I was already postponing pursuing something with him.

It was never because of you. The gap was already there. But the more I talked to you, the worse the gap between him and me got. And I wasn't mad about it. You make me feel like I'm enough when he doesn't. We click, Hoseok. In every goddamn way. You can see that, too.

You kept telling me to date, though.

And at one point, I thought that I should try it one more time. I thought that I might finally click with him otherwise than physically. Or I thought you might ask me not to meet him, I don't even know.

You were so supportive that I couldn't even tell you how bad it went.

I couldn't even tell Minhyuk because he would get all I-told-you-so.

 

It went bad? But you have another date with him tomorrow.

 

It's not a date. I'm meeting him to settle some thing.

He contacted me to return some of the stuff I gave him. He couldn't do it while I was in Japan.

 

I TOLD MINHYUK HE WASN'T A GOLD DIGGER.

I TOLD HIM HE WANTED YOU.

Because who the fuck wouldn't want you.

 

What.

 

What?

 

“I told Minhyuk he wasn't a gold digger.”

What.

 

That was a typo.

 

I see.

 

No, fuck, it wasn't.

I can't lie to you.

I can keep quiet, but I can't lie.

I hate this.

Scroll up, Kihyun.

A lot up.

 

????

 

What. The fuck.

Amazing.

This day just keeps getting better and better.

 

I didn't know how to stop him, but I promise I tried.

 

I can see that.

So he snitched on me and you still feel like I'm just clinging to you because we had sex.

 

No! I don't know!

I didn't mean it in an insulting way, like you're trying to use me or something.

Or like you don't care at all who you're with.

 

At least I know how you feel, though. It's good to finally know for sure.

I'm sorry I misread you.

I'm sorry I gave you mixed signals.

 

Don't apologize!!!!

 

But I have to.

I slept with you knowing what I felt.

 

I just can't believe this.

 

Hyung, I think I'm gonna go now.

 

Wait.

Ki, let me get this straight first. You can't just leave before we solve this.

 

There is nothing to solve.

 

There is.

I'll be spending the weekend at my mum's, so.

Let's take that time to think, okay.

Let's calm down.

Everything you just said is making my head hurts.

I need to process it.

 

You don't need to process anything.

We are friends and I misunderstood your intentions. It's okay. Let's bury this.

 

Ffs.

Stop.

You unloaded a shitload on me, shortcake. A literal shitload.

You can't expect me to make sense of it within five minutes.

 

Hoseok, you're doing it again.

You're making me doubt things.

Don't say shit like you need time to think. You don't. You've said it million times today. You were just curious. You really wanted me to date my crush. We're mates.

I get it.

There is no reason to sugarcoat it.

But if you need that time to decide whether we should still be friends, then please, take all the time in the world.

 

:((

Fucking look at you.

A tiny little gentleman.

 

Don't.

 

I need that time.

 

Alright.

I understand.

 

You don't, but alright.

 

?

 

Hoseok?

 

Okay.

 

~

 

Hey.

Just to let you know.

I met him and he returned my things and said he'll still stream my music, so I guess a Leo and a Scorpio can get along.

Your charts ain't shit.

You were wrong about the not caring about you when I'm face to face with him part, too.

So wrong.

I'm sorry. I know I wasn't supposed to text you.

 

~

 

Look at him.

So smol that even that buttload of food isn't gonna do anything about it.

So stern he doesn't even notice I'm taking a picture of him.

Where is he. I miss him.

 

More importantly.

Where is he?

So focused on pretending he's Changkyun that he doesn't know I'm taking a picture of him.

I miss him.

 

Aw, you miss Changkyun?

 

Haven't met him yet.

But he must be something if you're willing to let him make a mini recording studio out of your guest bedroom.

 

Who is it that you miss.

 

A hyung of mine.

Maybe you know him.

He weights a ton, but his hearts weights even more. I can see it even better after re-reading our whole message history approximately six times over the past two days.

Not that I didn't know before.

He's always been supportive and he's told me I was good enough as I was.

 

I'm sad. You didn't say I was hot or pretty.

 

Who said I was talking about you.

 

You heart told me so. It weights a ton, too.

And I trampled over it like a motherfucker. I could only see it after re-reading our whole message history approximately seven times over the past two days.

You stopped talking about your crush altogether until I pushed you to go out with the poor guy again.

I'm so dumb. I should've got the clue. You gave me so many and I just. Kept taking the piss.

 

I guess it's fair you did that. I never told anyone the full story.

 

Yeah, but I assumed I knew. And it even made me feel all mighty towards Min Min the Meddler.

I didn't know I was meddling, too.

 

You've done nothing wrong.

It's me who made it messy.

You were right about the Darcy thing. I keep missing my chances to speak and then when I do, I fuck up.

 

#repressed

 

Yeah.

But here it is.

I meant it.

I don't know when I fell, but I fell hard and I'm somehow still falling even though I don't even know if you want to stay friends.

 

But, Ki.

Are you sure.

Are you really really sure.

You've changed your mind once already.

 

I'm #repressed and yet I went bareback with you the first time we were alone together in an empty flat for longer than five minutes.

I'd say I'm sure.

 

THAT'S NOT A LOVE CONFESSION.

 

Do you want me to confess.

 

I thought about it.

Or I thought I had to think about it.

But the truth is, I couldn't even make it through Sunday.

And I only made it through yesterday because I spent the day with my mum and the night re-reading the whole convo.

I really led you on. I really did. Like a mean bitch.

 

Oh. I understand.

 

No, you don't! Let me finish.

I led you on and I didn't even realize I was doing it. But I was doing it and there's a reason for it.

I always turned everything into a joke because at the end of the day, I remembered the poor Leo.

So I flirted even more atrociously the next time to justify it.

Like it didn't mean anything.

 

But did it ever?

 

Ki, I told you you're everything I've ever wanted and then some. So, yeah. It meant something.

But you can't be mad at me for staying away when you never told me you and your crush were never what I thought you were.

 

I'm not mad.

I can only be mad at myself.

I'm just scared I missed the chance.

As fucking always.

 

I'll let you earn another one.

 

Hoseok.

Are you being kinky again. Are you fucking with me again. I don't think I can take it.

 

No.

Not yet, anyway.

As I said. Earn it first.

 

Oh, my god.

 

Are you glad.

This is what you're fighting for, you repressed rat.

 

I...

Hi, boss.

 

Aalksjjggl.

I don't feel very bossy, actually. :(

I finally told my mum that I know you. She flipped out.

She threatened to disown me.

I'm grovelling.

I'm taking her to the opera.

She only likes the best voices.

Wink, wink.

 

I want to earn you, Hoseok.

 

!!!!

I want to earn you, too. This time for real. No dumb jokes. Well, only sometimes. But this time I mean all of them.

 

I'll take your word for it. Do you also want to see what you're earning?

 

This better be a dick pic. Or at least a fold pic. I'm not picky.

 

Not exactly.

But remember when my favourite bossy bottom wanted me to dye my hair.

 

WHTAT JLKAJ J

WHAT THE

KIHYUN!!!!!!!!

YOU LOOK

SO

SUBBY!!!!!!!!!

If you fucking don't hit it from behind!!!!

 

:3

 

Is this all you have to say for yourself!!!!

 

Let me hit it, hyung. :3

 

FfucCK EARNING.

I'm yours, where are you.

The thing on your neck and chest.

What is it.

I want to pull it.

 

It is, indeed, pretty pullable.

 

Ki!!!!

But wait. Wait. Are you really, really absolutely sure about this.

Won't you meet an even more handsome man in a few months and... I don't know.

 

A man like that doesn't exist, first of all.

 

Bruh. </3

 

Only Ma Dongseok, but I don't think I can score him.

 

>:((

 

And second of all.

I'm in for the whole package. Butthole prank selcas and silly memes and pretentious brunches and everything else. No one else can do that. Only you.

 

I see. So you're with me for my personality.

What an affront.

How disgraceful.

And after I sent you the sleekest selca of them all, too.

 

Shush, you self-centered sub.

 

ALLITERATION.

 

I am cultured, too.

And I'm with you for you.

I mean, I know we're not “we” yet, but I'm getting there.

Aren't I?

 

Yes.

Yes, you are.

 

Okay. I got a little soft here. Shit, Seok.

 

Get hard. Ahaha, as in, come work out with me. ;)) (Look at me not jumping to dick jokes.)

 

You still have to keep me in shape, that's true. But I won't gain any more muscles, don't worry.

I want to stay like this. I don't think I can do anything about those tiny shoulders and non-existent arms, anyway. It's enough that they are firmer now.

 

Them thighs, though.

 

Sit on them.

Also. Your dream will come true.

You'll have a twinky top all for yourself. We'll look like that fish falling on a cat gif when we go at it. (After I'm allowed to go at it, of course.)

 

A what now?

 

 

I, with all legitness, had to sit the fuck down.

 

So, when are we doing this again?

Asking for a friend.

 

Is that friend Minhyuk.

 

No, it's my fold.

 

SCREECH.

 

Does Monday sound good.

Not to be needy, but yeah.

I mean, we don't actually have to do it.

I think we have to talk first. Like, a lot.

 

We do need to talk.

But we'll fuck first.

 

Shit.

 

I gotta go. The opera is about to start.

And I think after it's done, I'll tell my mum I'm actually dating you.

(Sort of.) (Getting there.)

So she can just yell at me about everything in one day and get it over with.

 

Tell her I'll be pleased to meet her and ask for her permission to date you. (Sort of.) (Getting there.)

 

She will die, but so will I.

 

Same.

I'll miss you.

Monday is tomorrow, but it's.

It's bad.

The whole weekend has been bad.

 

It's been so bad and you miss me so much you dyed your hair. I'm weeping.

 

I was hoping I would sway you.

Just a little.

But go now!

Don't miss the opening.

 

Will you miss my opening? :>

 

[splashing sweat emoji]

 

Ahaha, ffs, you silly shortcake.

I'm off!

 

Have fun, hyung.

I'll wait for you.

 

~

 

Man, I got so roasted.

By my own mother.

She legit didn't speak to me for half an hour until I threatened her I would tell you how fussy she is and that she ships you with Gun.

 

She is an intellectual. Gun is the hottest.

 

Your boyfriend is right here, reading it!!

 

My boyfriend.

Stiffie.

 

Show it.

 

I will.

After we eat.

I cooked. :(

 

Why the sad face.

 

Because you might be burdened again.

 

Sigh. I won't.

I like it now that we're a couple.

 

You do?

 

Yes.

But I like giving just as much. Even though it makes me a broke bitch. The shipping costs, man...

Shipping is terrible, whatever the context.

It's retaliation time, starboy.

I'm on my way. Should I jog to you?

 

God. Hoseok, you... I give up.

I'll measure time.

Chop, chop, chop.

I'm loosening my tie already.

 

─=≡Σ(っ*´□`)っ Wait for meee.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I like this?  
> Ahaha, thank you for sticking around for the usual silliness.  
> Guess who's gonna drink one (1) glass of Hibiki and pass out after five minutes of crying and cuddling?  
> Yeah. Both of them.


End file.
